I'd like to say that I'm feeling better but I'm not.
I'd like to say that my resolve is stronger than ever and that I'm still excited about this latest challenge, but I'm not. The truth is I'm afraid.
I afraid of coming in last, I'm afraid of looking stupid, I'm afraid of putting it out there and getting squashed.
Following saturdays debaucle, it left me wondering why the hell I started this in the first place. I'd quit, if I didn't care about being regarded as a quitter. What would that say to my daughter?
This is not how I should be feeling 6 weeks before the race.
There's no turning back, I just have to suck it up and give it my best shot.
My legs are sore from yestersay's short trail run. I noticed a new pain in my right foot, tender when pressed but nothing significant or interfering with the run. I've always liked a bit of soreness that accompanies working out, it makes me feel strong and like I'm making progress.
Some pain however is NOT indicative of progress.
I haven't put in the time or attention to swimming like I know I should. I believed until saturday, that I'd be okay just "getting out of the water alive", that efficiency and stroke mechanincs didn't really matter (I've been mostly focusing on position) but I was lying to myself to avoid doing the hard work.
The hardwork of looking at my limited ability to grasp technical concepts and to actually learn. It's the same with running, as long as it's loose and not too structured great, but as soon as it get's too technical I lose interest. Not exactly triathlete material people. Tri-geeks are highly knowledgable and organized. I prefer a more random approach.
I knew swimming would be a challenge, I just underestimated to what degree, the goal was never to swim fast, just to move forward in the water. I never anticipated freezing up in the open water swim, like I did on saturday. I'm trying to see this as a learning experience but there's another part of me that's thinking I bit off more than I can chew.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
1st Open Water Swim
well the good news is i didn't drown.
on the drive home from shadow cliff this morning i went through a gamut of feelings about my performance. i'm not proud to admit this but i am not the most positive person all the time.
all i could think was "oh my god, what the fuck was i thinking?"
on the verge of tears, i went over a few dozen reasons why i'm not ready for this event.
i arrived at shadow cliff later than i wanted to, i forgot my bag w/my wallet in it at the campsite
lastnight (M and and her troop are camping at tilden) so, i had to book up there before heading out to meet the triclub in pleasonton. i arrived just as nancy was giving final instructions and before i knew it we were in the water.....let me add....the cold ass water. i would of preferred to of acclimated a bit, i even brought my kickboard to warm-up, but nancy wanted us all to start together and insisted that we forgoe any floatation devices...cuz were not going to be a able to use them in the event.
this is when i got nervous, on the one hand jumping in right away was a good way to get through the initial shock but it was cold and my breathing was all over the place, i was able to freestyle for barely a minute before i was gasping for air, the rest of the "swim" was a combination of dog paddle and backstroke.
at some point nancy said "get your face in the water it will help with calming your breathing." quite honestly, i wanted her to shut the fuck up, and all i could think was along with the absence of air where the hell was the strength in my arms, they felt so weak. the cold affected me in ways i never thought of. the idea of an elongated freestyle stroke seemed impossible and my pull was totally gone.
i also think i don't respond well to being pushed too hard, at least not by people i haven't connected with in a positive way yet. nancy( one of the triclub coaches) is a bit of a bulldog and she never remembers my name, before she offered the earlier face in the water = better breathing tip, she asked me the usual "what's your name again?"
it's just my insecure bullshit creeping in. i know this about myself. i just need to build myself back up somehow. i've got a little over a month to work things out in the water, i definitely need to go back to shadow cliff as many times as possible before 6/17.
and oh yes, i was dead last.
on the drive home from shadow cliff this morning i went through a gamut of feelings about my performance. i'm not proud to admit this but i am not the most positive person all the time.
all i could think was "oh my god, what the fuck was i thinking?"
on the verge of tears, i went over a few dozen reasons why i'm not ready for this event.
i arrived at shadow cliff later than i wanted to, i forgot my bag w/my wallet in it at the campsite
lastnight (M and and her troop are camping at tilden) so, i had to book up there before heading out to meet the triclub in pleasonton. i arrived just as nancy was giving final instructions and before i knew it we were in the water.....let me add....the cold ass water. i would of preferred to of acclimated a bit, i even brought my kickboard to warm-up, but nancy wanted us all to start together and insisted that we forgoe any floatation devices...cuz were not going to be a able to use them in the event.
this is when i got nervous, on the one hand jumping in right away was a good way to get through the initial shock but it was cold and my breathing was all over the place, i was able to freestyle for barely a minute before i was gasping for air, the rest of the "swim" was a combination of dog paddle and backstroke.
at some point nancy said "get your face in the water it will help with calming your breathing." quite honestly, i wanted her to shut the fuck up, and all i could think was along with the absence of air where the hell was the strength in my arms, they felt so weak. the cold affected me in ways i never thought of. the idea of an elongated freestyle stroke seemed impossible and my pull was totally gone.
i also think i don't respond well to being pushed too hard, at least not by people i haven't connected with in a positive way yet. nancy( one of the triclub coaches) is a bit of a bulldog and she never remembers my name, before she offered the earlier face in the water = better breathing tip, she asked me the usual "what's your name again?"
it's just my insecure bullshit creeping in. i know this about myself. i just need to build myself back up somehow. i've got a little over a month to work things out in the water, i definitely need to go back to shadow cliff as many times as possible before 6/17.
and oh yes, i was dead last.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Meet Brandy
Hi,for the record i love running with chris, but lately she's been going solo in favor of not getting her back wrenched.
Yay for Hump Day!!!
This morning's 40 minute swim practice went pretty good, i warmed up with and w/o the kickboeard and NO flippers for the entire workout. what i tend to do is kick too hard causing me to fatigue too quickly. today i made a super conscious effort to slooowww dooown! i focused alot on rolling side to side, turning my whole body when i need to breath vs craning my neck and head upwards. the idea is to elongate and roll to the side than breath through the side of your mouth. i can do this a few times than i start to struggle, start kicking too hard and than inevitably ingest water.
then it occured to me i could just stop. i usually just continue struggling until i get to the other end of the lane, but then i remembered i could just stop, catch my breath and continue. i guess my reasoning before was there's no stopping in the middle of the lake so i'll have to keep going....then something i read kicked in and it occured to me to roll over until my face was completely out of the water so i can breath.
the swimming articles,videos and time i spend in the pool are starting to synthesize. i'm still not loving night time swim schedule, but i am loving the little progress i'm seeing on my solo days.
i went for a decent ride up centinell past strawberry canyon . as i approached the botanical gardens , sweat was rolling down my face i planned to pullover for a rest. my legs were working big time and as i pulled up to the curb, directly across the street from a very crowded bus stop, i dumped over on my right side. i guess my leg was so fatigued that i lacked the strength to twist out of my cleat. it was hilarious, after a quick check of the bike....she was ok....i gave the crowd a thumbs up! one gal even walked over asking if i was okay (very nice i thought) i assured her i was fine, not even a scratch, on me or the bike! i was practically at a stand still when i went down. i feel like a real biker now!
after my rest break, i hopped back on and continued up the bad ass hill, she was starting to kick my ass now, so i started to serpentine, careful to check both side of the roads, it was a slow trek to grizzly peak. i regretted leaving my windbreaker home, cuz the ride home was all down hill, fast and a little chilly. but what a rush hauling ass down relatively traffic free streets, not too many cars that time of the day. again, yay for hump day!
got home around the time t comes home for lunch and we went to the gym together. i did a super lite upperbody workout, and read an article in shape magazine while T rode the stationary bike. this morning he had his treadmill test to rule out any heart issues and came home with a clean bill of health...yay! tonight, triclub meets at berkeley high for another speedworkout w/coach.
er, no pizza an hour before working out this time!
then it occured to me i could just stop. i usually just continue struggling until i get to the other end of the lane, but then i remembered i could just stop, catch my breath and continue. i guess my reasoning before was there's no stopping in the middle of the lake so i'll have to keep going....then something i read kicked in and it occured to me to roll over until my face was completely out of the water so i can breath.
the swimming articles,videos and time i spend in the pool are starting to synthesize. i'm still not loving night time swim schedule, but i am loving the little progress i'm seeing on my solo days.
i went for a decent ride up centinell past strawberry canyon . as i approached the botanical gardens , sweat was rolling down my face i planned to pullover for a rest. my legs were working big time and as i pulled up to the curb, directly across the street from a very crowded bus stop, i dumped over on my right side. i guess my leg was so fatigued that i lacked the strength to twist out of my cleat. it was hilarious, after a quick check of the bike....she was ok....i gave the crowd a thumbs up! one gal even walked over asking if i was okay (very nice i thought) i assured her i was fine, not even a scratch, on me or the bike! i was practically at a stand still when i went down. i feel like a real biker now!
after my rest break, i hopped back on and continued up the bad ass hill, she was starting to kick my ass now, so i started to serpentine, careful to check both side of the roads, it was a slow trek to grizzly peak. i regretted leaving my windbreaker home, cuz the ride home was all down hill, fast and a little chilly. but what a rush hauling ass down relatively traffic free streets, not too many cars that time of the day. again, yay for hump day!
got home around the time t comes home for lunch and we went to the gym together. i did a super lite upperbody workout, and read an article in shape magazine while T rode the stationary bike. this morning he had his treadmill test to rule out any heart issues and came home with a clean bill of health...yay! tonight, triclub meets at berkeley high for another speedworkout w/coach.
er, no pizza an hour before working out this time!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Negotiating with Myself
i negotiated with myself the whole time.
first i wanted to go long, not sure how long, okay 90 minutes long.
hmm how far will i get?
well, let's see euclid, yeah euclid and back home should be about right.
i walked from my house to the corner of cedar and stannage and slowly worked my way up cedar crossed shattuck and there she was: big ass hill #1. this hill in my guesstamation is comprable to the 11.5% grade i'll need to contend with at bay to breakers.
up,up,up, and hey i feel good!
in the back of mind i'm thinking i bet i can make it to strawberry canyon.
yeah, strawberry, i'll get to the parking lot and double back.
i get to the parking lot and decide to go take the trail to the foot of big bertha.
i get to big bertha and decide i HAVE to take her, how can i NOT take her.
so again, up,up,up .......and i still feel good, and decide i can keep going until i hit my 1 hour mark.
up to this point or rather the parking lot i've been runing on the road, getting to strawberry on the dirt trail was heaven and i had to force myself to turn around so as to have juice to get home.
reluctantly i turn around and go back down to the parking lot.
the CAL women's softball team are playing today and the parking lot near the pool was full of tailgaiters and bbq. i picked up my pace as to not get distracted by all the good smells, i was starting to get hungry. back on the roads, i head up euclid to cedar and decide to turn right on spruce than left on rose which eventually leads me to the BART trail near my neighborhood.
Total run time 2 hours and 1 minute.
LONGEST RUN EVER!!!
with all the hills i'm sure i didn't go far but then TIME was more of an objective, still it would be cool to know for sure, i'll guess 8 plus miles, maybe more.
the conditions were perfect for a long run today cool and overcast.
it even started to mist for a little bit as i was leaving strawberry, the perfect spray bottle mist nature kicks down for an ass kicking workout. ahhh sweeeet!
god i love running:)
first i wanted to go long, not sure how long, okay 90 minutes long.
hmm how far will i get?
well, let's see euclid, yeah euclid and back home should be about right.
i walked from my house to the corner of cedar and stannage and slowly worked my way up cedar crossed shattuck and there she was: big ass hill #1. this hill in my guesstamation is comprable to the 11.5% grade i'll need to contend with at bay to breakers.
up,up,up, and hey i feel good!
in the back of mind i'm thinking i bet i can make it to strawberry canyon.
yeah, strawberry, i'll get to the parking lot and double back.
i get to the parking lot and decide to go take the trail to the foot of big bertha.
i get to big bertha and decide i HAVE to take her, how can i NOT take her.
so again, up,up,up .......and i still feel good, and decide i can keep going until i hit my 1 hour mark.
up to this point or rather the parking lot i've been runing on the road, getting to strawberry on the dirt trail was heaven and i had to force myself to turn around so as to have juice to get home.
reluctantly i turn around and go back down to the parking lot.
the CAL women's softball team are playing today and the parking lot near the pool was full of tailgaiters and bbq. i picked up my pace as to not get distracted by all the good smells, i was starting to get hungry. back on the roads, i head up euclid to cedar and decide to turn right on spruce than left on rose which eventually leads me to the BART trail near my neighborhood.
Total run time 2 hours and 1 minute.
LONGEST RUN EVER!!!
with all the hills i'm sure i didn't go far but then TIME was more of an objective, still it would be cool to know for sure, i'll guess 8 plus miles, maybe more.
the conditions were perfect for a long run today cool and overcast.
it even started to mist for a little bit as i was leaving strawberry, the perfect spray bottle mist nature kicks down for an ass kicking workout. ahhh sweeeet!
god i love running:)
Saturday, April 22, 2006
1st group brick - weather permitting!!
let the games (HUMILIATION) begin! today triclub meets at ceasar chavez for our first bike/run. i've not spent much time doubling up on disciplines, my first real bike ride and run was not too long ago and my legs felt like jello going from the 30 minute ride to the 10 minute run. i had no power in my legs at all! i was a little surprised by this. not sure of the distances planned for today but it should be interesting.
i've only been to the pool once this week and will need to make up for it big time. seems like i'm either overdoing or underdoing, not finding much balance at all this week.
checked out some tri gear online, a bit leary about ordering anything though, concerned about proper fit and all. while the rest of me appears to be shrinking, my butt isn't!
i keep telling myself this is a tri4fun, don't sweat it. as for the swim i can always swim on my back. there is one small problem with this plan however, you can't really see where your going on your back.
The Aftermath:
the ride was 6 miles and the run was close to 3 miles and my time was 47 min, taking into account the transition from cleats to running shoes. i forgot to take off my bike gloves and ditched them on the second loop along with my hydration pack. i didn't have my own watch - it's been missing for days, so i'm not sure of individual times but the legs felt better than i expected following the ride. the first loop was pretty slow and i was flanked by a couple of other gals, one was really chatty . around the last 1/4 mile i said "i can't talk anymore" and pulled away. my finish was s trong, but i felt a little woozy and walked around a bit before rejoining the group.
right now i'm waiting for T to get back so I can go for a swim. i've been studying the drills on my TI video and am anxious to get going.
i've only been to the pool once this week and will need to make up for it big time. seems like i'm either overdoing or underdoing, not finding much balance at all this week.
checked out some tri gear online, a bit leary about ordering anything though, concerned about proper fit and all. while the rest of me appears to be shrinking, my butt isn't!
i keep telling myself this is a tri4fun, don't sweat it. as for the swim i can always swim on my back. there is one small problem with this plan however, you can't really see where your going on your back.
The Aftermath:
the ride was 6 miles and the run was close to 3 miles and my time was 47 min, taking into account the transition from cleats to running shoes. i forgot to take off my bike gloves and ditched them on the second loop along with my hydration pack. i didn't have my own watch - it's been missing for days, so i'm not sure of individual times but the legs felt better than i expected following the ride. the first loop was pretty slow and i was flanked by a couple of other gals, one was really chatty . around the last 1/4 mile i said "i can't talk anymore" and pulled away. my finish was s trong, but i felt a little woozy and walked around a bit before rejoining the group.
right now i'm waiting for T to get back so I can go for a swim. i've been studying the drills on my TI video and am anxious to get going.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Bay to Breakers 5/21
woo hoo! it's san francisco's goofiest race for sure and i'm signed up! not sure if i'll go all out with a costume but it will fun to check everyone out (i'll take lots of pictures!). it's sf so it will be hilly and i'm counting on all my training runs up in the berkeley hills to pull off a sub 2:00 finish on the 12k course, it boasts an 11.5 grade hill fairly early on (gulp). the tri club has this on the training schedule as an optional training event, i'm so there!!
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