i deleted yesterday's post. it was an honest account of how i felt at the time but it's a bit of a downer and i didn't want it around anymore. writing and posting was enough. deleting it feels like taking a match and setting it on fire.
i'm not apologizing or anything i'm just feeling less emotional about things today but because those heavy thoughts accomapanied me every step of that 16 plus mile run yesterday i couldn't post about it without including what was actually going on in my mind.
incremental progress is still progress.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Change of Plans
well i never hooked up with the group. not for lack of effort or fear. i just have no sense of direction and couldn't find them. i thought i knew where the meeting place was and because i accidently deleted the directions i called and asked for them over the phone. while the guy on the other end was quite friendly he wasn't quite sure how to get me there from where i was coming from. after a few minutes i thought i understood and proceeded to Briones staging area.
from what i could remember of the directions though i should of been at a EBMUD trail head but of course i didn't really make that connection until about a half hour after the scheduled mtg time. so after the initial anxiety wore off i switched over to annoyed and contemplated just going home. but as fate would have it i noticed a few solo runners heading out.
as i sat in my car debating on what to do a car pulled up next to me . it had a handicap placard and a rather large older woman emerged from the vehicle. she wasn't a runner but was there to get her walk on. i watched for a minute as she headed for the trailhead and slowly worked her way down the path.
it was she that got me motivated to move my ass. it was a bit after 7pm by this time. instead of taking arbrigo trail i opted for the shorter but steep motts peak. the first 20 minutes bit bad. i really wasn't into running much less climbing right off the bat!
my goal was 3-4 miles walking or running and i decided to stop stressing and just enjoy the scenery. as i rounded the corner i noticed one of the runners from earlier and waved as we passed eachother. she was happily bouncing down as i labored my way up. i didn't know at the time but she had just finished one hell of a climb herself from the opposite direction.
isn't it funny how some hills can look scarier than they really are? in my already not-in-the mood-to-run state of mind the hills were downright evil but as i got closer they really weren't so bad.....that is, until i saw what lie ahead.
as i crested the last hill i saw "THE MOTHER OF ALL HILLS" i swear to god, this hill was steep and a mile long. i immediately perked up cause i happened to be at the top of this sucker and was in for a fun fast descent. my mood changed instantly and i bounced at full speed all the way down.
i got back to the car another 20 minutes later and came home to BBQ steak dinner.
so, i'm glad i didn't let my temper and negative tude get the better of me and now i have a new challenge at Briones. when i go back i'll definitey check this trail out from the opposite direction.
from what i could remember of the directions though i should of been at a EBMUD trail head but of course i didn't really make that connection until about a half hour after the scheduled mtg time. so after the initial anxiety wore off i switched over to annoyed and contemplated just going home. but as fate would have it i noticed a few solo runners heading out.
as i sat in my car debating on what to do a car pulled up next to me . it had a handicap placard and a rather large older woman emerged from the vehicle. she wasn't a runner but was there to get her walk on. i watched for a minute as she headed for the trailhead and slowly worked her way down the path.
it was she that got me motivated to move my ass. it was a bit after 7pm by this time. instead of taking arbrigo trail i opted for the shorter but steep motts peak. the first 20 minutes bit bad. i really wasn't into running much less climbing right off the bat!
my goal was 3-4 miles walking or running and i decided to stop stressing and just enjoy the scenery. as i rounded the corner i noticed one of the runners from earlier and waved as we passed eachother. she was happily bouncing down as i labored my way up. i didn't know at the time but she had just finished one hell of a climb herself from the opposite direction.
isn't it funny how some hills can look scarier than they really are? in my already not-in-the mood-to-run state of mind the hills were downright evil but as i got closer they really weren't so bad.....that is, until i saw what lie ahead.
as i crested the last hill i saw "THE MOTHER OF ALL HILLS" i swear to god, this hill was steep and a mile long. i immediately perked up cause i happened to be at the top of this sucker and was in for a fun fast descent. my mood changed instantly and i bounced at full speed all the way down.
i got back to the car another 20 minutes later and came home to BBQ steak dinner.
so, i'm glad i didn't let my temper and negative tude get the better of me and now i have a new challenge at Briones. when i go back i'll definitey check this trail out from the opposite direction.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Do one scary thing everyday
a new run/swim shop recently opened up near my neighborhood. i p/u a few things and noticed the manager was a 30 something woman i had met before at another store. the sales associates were all YOUNG. i overheard a couple of them talking about their track and field conquest and was immediately intimidated.
they have a group that meets on wednesday nights at various trails. i haven't gone yet because i'm a chicken butt and am worried that it will be a bunch of young track hotshots and i'll be the only frumpy middle aged woman.
T agreed to p/u M so i could meet up with the group tonight since there meeting at Briones which is on my way home.
aahhh.....i'm working today and would really like to check out this run...partly because you need a permit to run there and i can access it with this group...but i'm SCARED i'll be too slow
i don't know if i'm gonna go or not.....but i'll pack my gear...just in case i stop being a chicken butt.
they have a group that meets on wednesday nights at various trails. i haven't gone yet because i'm a chicken butt and am worried that it will be a bunch of young track hotshots and i'll be the only frumpy middle aged woman.
T agreed to p/u M so i could meet up with the group tonight since there meeting at Briones which is on my way home.
aahhh.....i'm working today and would really like to check out this run...partly because you need a permit to run there and i can access it with this group...but i'm SCARED i'll be too slow
i don't know if i'm gonna go or not.....but i'll pack my gear...just in case i stop being a chicken butt.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
If it doesn't kill you it must be good for you.
occasionally i will post a question on my blog. last week i was wondering about speedwork and running frequency. neither question was answered and it got me thinking that when that happens i usually already know the answer and am merely looking for confirmation.
so i've determined that YES i can take 2 days off and be prepared to COMPLETE my marathon. as for track vs tempo/fartlek all of it is necessary to build speed and endurance... considering my goal for this race is to have the endurance to finish preferably with my dignity intact and i want to have some kick left in me in those final miles.
i jogged a couple of warm-up miles and then ran 3 sets of 440's at the track. i took walk breaks in between stopped to stretch and drink a little.
nothing special. it's still so hard. i just do the best i can. clearly i'm not built for speed. bleh!
oh well, off to the salt mines. have a good one:)
so i've determined that YES i can take 2 days off and be prepared to COMPLETE my marathon. as for track vs tempo/fartlek all of it is necessary to build speed and endurance... considering my goal for this race is to have the endurance to finish preferably with my dignity intact and i want to have some kick left in me in those final miles.
i jogged a couple of warm-up miles and then ran 3 sets of 440's at the track. i took walk breaks in between stopped to stretch and drink a little.
nothing special. it's still so hard. i just do the best i can. clearly i'm not built for speed. bleh!
oh well, off to the salt mines. have a good one:)
Sunday, June 03, 2007
ooh la lost!
the French Trail is the 4th segment of the golden hills trail marathon route and it pops up pretty quickly along the east ridge. a long steep descent that tapers off for a good long stretch (no clue how far the garmin signal was M.I.A.)before you start climbing. this is by far my favorite section yet.
on the way in i came across only 2 hikers going the opposite way...they seemed as surprised as i to see anyone there...you've got to really work to get down in the canyon....not to mention work to get back to the main trail.
cruising along i would stop to check my map every so often but i think my over confidence led me astray and before i knew it i had passed my turn and found myself at the end of the French trail instead of the Chrown trail that would take me to the 5th segment.
i say surprised but i'm not really. it's a given that i will get lost the first couple of times before i figure out the right path. it's been that way pretty consistently since learning this race route.
i think i only covered 6 maybe 7 miles. i thought briefly of running on the west ridge to make up some mileage but i was too lazy.
i'm thinking i might want to switch my long runs to saturday since the race will be on saturday. which means more tweeking of the schedule.
on the way in i came across only 2 hikers going the opposite way...they seemed as surprised as i to see anyone there...you've got to really work to get down in the canyon....not to mention work to get back to the main trail.
cruising along i would stop to check my map every so often but i think my over confidence led me astray and before i knew it i had passed my turn and found myself at the end of the French trail instead of the Chrown trail that would take me to the 5th segment.
i say surprised but i'm not really. it's a given that i will get lost the first couple of times before i figure out the right path. it's been that way pretty consistently since learning this race route.
i think i only covered 6 maybe 7 miles. i thought briefly of running on the west ridge to make up some mileage but i was too lazy.
i'm thinking i might want to switch my long runs to saturday since the race will be on saturday. which means more tweeking of the schedule.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
i love grey days
T and M are kicking butt with the yard sale. after the obligatory helping set-up i've been happily holed up in the house plotting my take over of the dining room...soon-to-be my sewing room. i decided to not run today and am good with the 30 miles i logged this week. tomorrow's long run will be 8-11 trail miles.
my mom stopped by earlier for a few hours and help kick start the sale. M is quite the sales girl and has gone from unenthusiastically giving up her stuff to jonesing for cold hard cash. she's convinced her father that they should do it again tomorrow and wants to go through more of her stuff tonight!
woohoo...mission accomplished! maybe just maybe we've nipped the need to hang-on to crap in the bud?
the past few days i've been pouring over quilt books and pulling out my stash and sewing supplies. the blustery weather sure sets the right tone. i am going in yet another direction with M's quilt and am in complete awe of my geniousness.
i am by no means a skilled quilter. i rip out as much as i sew. i make a ton of mistakes. my work is not fine or precise. i don't follow directions very well and tend to learn best through trial and error. it takes longer, he! a lot longer but for me it's about the journey. which could explain the lack of discipline in my running life too!
i love fabric and i love quilts and i just have to be working on something. i like feeling creative and the process of figuring out a technique or design is very satisfying. i see the world in a better light. beauty in places i hadn't noticed. i think my foul mood of late has been in part due to the lack of creative outlet.
i feel the same way about running. i'm not fast, i walk alot and sometimes stop and weep for joy because am so greatful that these very-soon-to-be 44 year old legs finally found a way to fly and stay grounded. my race calendar is by no means full but i like to have a couple of races on schedule. mostly though i just love being in nature.
since starting to run the past 2 years have been pretty much about running and other athletic endeavours. quilting has been in the backseat...where i could still keep an eye on it ...in the rearview mirror...a couple of small projects here and there...to still feel like i was quilter.
my sewing room also happens to be the dining room and while we never eat in there we have had more gatherings here than usual and so i packed up my stuff and haven't sewn much over the last year. quilting went from the back seat to the storage unit.
our recent urge to purge has me feeling lighter and wanting to tie up loose ends. this quilt is going to keep me grounded as i figure out this marathon training stuff. i was getting a bit anxious about not liking my current training schedule, a blend of beginner and intermediate marathon training from coolrunning. i have a solid base but i want to go from 1 to 2 days off. i think as long as i put in the time and quality i'll be okay with 2 days off.
i want to run and i want to quilt. i need to find a place for both of them. when i think about it quilting actually led me back to running. when i quit smoking i found a quilting class at the local adult ed. center and quilted like a mad woman for two years. after finally getting healthy i started to run a little around my neighborhood. at the time we were renting a place in the berkeley hills about a 1/4 mile from tilden. it was there my love for trail running began.
so that's my quilting running rant for now. it's clear to me that i need both. i'm not going to compromise the marathon training in any way but feel as strongly about the need to be creative.
my mom stopped by earlier for a few hours and help kick start the sale. M is quite the sales girl and has gone from unenthusiastically giving up her stuff to jonesing for cold hard cash. she's convinced her father that they should do it again tomorrow and wants to go through more of her stuff tonight!
woohoo...mission accomplished! maybe just maybe we've nipped the need to hang-on to crap in the bud?
the past few days i've been pouring over quilt books and pulling out my stash and sewing supplies. the blustery weather sure sets the right tone. i am going in yet another direction with M's quilt and am in complete awe of my geniousness.
i am by no means a skilled quilter. i rip out as much as i sew. i make a ton of mistakes. my work is not fine or precise. i don't follow directions very well and tend to learn best through trial and error. it takes longer, he! a lot longer but for me it's about the journey. which could explain the lack of discipline in my running life too!
i love fabric and i love quilts and i just have to be working on something. i like feeling creative and the process of figuring out a technique or design is very satisfying. i see the world in a better light. beauty in places i hadn't noticed. i think my foul mood of late has been in part due to the lack of creative outlet.
i feel the same way about running. i'm not fast, i walk alot and sometimes stop and weep for joy because am so greatful that these very-soon-to-be 44 year old legs finally found a way to fly and stay grounded. my race calendar is by no means full but i like to have a couple of races on schedule. mostly though i just love being in nature.
since starting to run the past 2 years have been pretty much about running and other athletic endeavours. quilting has been in the backseat...where i could still keep an eye on it ...in the rearview mirror...a couple of small projects here and there...to still feel like i was quilter.
my sewing room also happens to be the dining room and while we never eat in there we have had more gatherings here than usual and so i packed up my stuff and haven't sewn much over the last year. quilting went from the back seat to the storage unit.
our recent urge to purge has me feeling lighter and wanting to tie up loose ends. this quilt is going to keep me grounded as i figure out this marathon training stuff. i was getting a bit anxious about not liking my current training schedule, a blend of beginner and intermediate marathon training from coolrunning. i have a solid base but i want to go from 1 to 2 days off. i think as long as i put in the time and quality i'll be okay with 2 days off.
i want to run and i want to quilt. i need to find a place for both of them. when i think about it quilting actually led me back to running. when i quit smoking i found a quilting class at the local adult ed. center and quilted like a mad woman for two years. after finally getting healthy i started to run a little around my neighborhood. at the time we were renting a place in the berkeley hills about a 1/4 mile from tilden. it was there my love for trail running began.
so that's my quilting running rant for now. it's clear to me that i need both. i'm not going to compromise the marathon training in any way but feel as strongly about the need to be creative.
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