Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Still Up and Running

My blog is one year old this month. This time last year I was trying to figure what the hell a "url" was and I signed on with blogger and the rbf. Susie was my second commenter...the first being spam...which Susie explained there was a setting that would limit that from happening.
Slowly one comment turned into two, than a few more...I was thrilled the first time someone from another country dropped by and even moreso when
Mia, a local gal gave MUCH encouragement and support as I ventured into the unknown.
Anne from so. cal has on more than one occasion has shown extreme kindness and has encouraged me to keep at this writing thing.
Loubob and Jeff have always seemed so grounded and their work ethic spur me on to be better....dig deeper.

And soooooooo many others, runners, triathletes, ultrarunners all so inspiring and no doubt unaware of the ripple effect they have caused.

I remember feeling rejected when my comments went unreturned . I'd take it personally. I just assumed that it was a two way street ya know?
I think I came here looking for something....something outside myself...I needed the support and encouragement of ...veritable strangers.... as I embarked on this journey towards fitness and a real lifestyle change.
Not having "real" people in my life that were looking for the same thing. True I have a great husband...who has always been supportive in just about anything I've shown an interest, still I needed information, the kind that comes from experience and I turned to this new community....perhaps at times when I should of been looking inward instead of out. I recall feeling especially....vulnerable?.... after baring my soul in some dark revealing way and then seeing
"0 comments", I started wondering if I was expecting too much or if people just thought I was weird. And then I read this:

Rejection can be killing. It kills faster and more effectively when the victim is already lacking in some vital way.

Patti Austin

When I first got here I was thirsty, hell dehydrated is more like it. Parched and dried out, I searched for wisdom, strength and knowledge. I drank and drank and drank. Always the taker .

Along the way though, something happened and I started giving back. I started to realize that there are other people just like me, just starting out whether it be their first foot race or struggle with swimming. That I had been there and lived to tell the tale....not always cheerfully or with much humor! Yet, I was able to relate and offer a helpful word or two.

Coming to this place and taking the time to record this journey has been as much apart of the transformation as any physical changes I've made.
From a tired middle-aged wife and mom, working at a lack-luster job to a more vibrant happier healthier me. I still need to change jobs...but the difference now is I believe I can....before I always thought "but what can I do?, I lack the training, education....." Thoughts of "I can't" no longer hold the same weight and more often I'm thinking "Why not?"

Excuses no longer holding the same weight. I've raised the bar on myself. That's been the best change so far. I'm a long way off from being the woman I want to be but I'm moving in the right direction.