Saturday, September 22, 2007

we'll see

it's a little past 6 am and i can hear the soft pelt of rain. i have choked down my oatmeal and am dressed. batteries are charged, new tunes added to my ipod. there shouldn't be any technical issues. we'll see.

i can't think too hard about the distance i'm about to cover, but i have to cover at least 22 miles. this will be my last long run and my last chance to find out what 26.2 feels like before race day. we'll see.

the rain is starting to pick-up and instead of dread i feel relief. rain is better than heat...but not too much. we'll see.

The Run.

i did a loopy loop at Tilden that resulted in 20 muddy trail miles in 5:05 hrs.

i've been overdue for a long trail run. most of my longer runs have been on flat roads. Tilden has a good balance of flat and hills. i started out at Lone Oak (the race start) the soft rain i mentioned earlier was just enough to turn the topsoil all sticky and the clay clumps made me feel like i was wearing wedgies. i found a small sturdy stick and held onto it so i could scrape off the shoe goo periodically.

the short but slow section was a blessing in disguise. it forced me to go out REAL SLOW.

taking walk breaks early and often has made it possible for me to work this course, otherwise it would chew me up and spit me out.

the mud wedgies eventually gave way to the paved surface and gravely side trails of Nimitz trail. the rain slowly began to build...causing me to eventually pull on my rain jacket...i was cold earlier and thought my long sleeves would be too warm under the rain gear. i'd rather be wet than hot. which meant that before putting on said jacket i had to pull off the long sleeve and that meant dicking around with everything in the pouring rain. blah

i have a bad habit of not zipping my pack after fishing out a Gu or whatever. it's how i lost my car key at Briones. well around mile 16 after first only noticing that my lip balm was gone, that i sort've remembered my phone being in the pack.....and then at mille 16 it wasn't.

it's times like these that i know i'll be the one with Alzheimer's. i just blank and can't remember shit like "did i or did i not have my phone?" i was rushed this morning when i got to the trail head i went to porta potty back to my car . i just got a new phone last week at wanted to see if i would get a signal. i did and after that i couldn't remember if i returned the phone to my pack or if i tossed it in my gym in the back of the car.

i had another 4 miles back to my car. the thought of retracing my steps was out of the question. oh yeah, did i mention i was kinda hurting at this point. in my haste this morning i forgot to throw advil in my pack. this run is sucking big time right about now. compounded further as i kicked my own ass over the next 4 miles not being able to remember WTF did with my phone.

there is a silver lining however. this long run is officially ending at 20 miles.because if the phone is not in my car i have to get home and deal that bullshit OR if it's by some small miracle in my car after all, i'm still not going any further because i'm hurting like hell . legs just too achy and heavy, not to mention just mentally wiped out.

on the way to the car a small flicker of hope crept in and i wondered if maybe someone would find it and do the right thing. however, this was no match for the dominant darker thought that it was gone. besides, i already used up that luck with catra on mission peak earlier this spring, when i dropped my phone on the trail and her friend found it. what's the chance of me getting that lucky twice? i then wondered if it had insurance and if i should go to the phone guy on solano myself and not even tell T...just to spare him from more of my scatterbrainess...all these thoughts whirling in my head those last few fucking miles. blah blah

so i could live with only 20 miles (that just sounds absurd) i was dead on tired, in pain and in a hurry...not that you could tell. my mind was racing but my legs were in death march mode. i could not stand it, i just wanted to get to car.

as i approached Little Farm, the car wasn't too far off and this was as it turned out to be a bad thing. i had to walk away today with at least 20:22-26.2 miles and by the time i reached the car it was only 19:25. aaaarg. i had to run past the car and loop again to cover 20 miles. geesh, talk about a being screwed with body,mind and spirit.

i rip off my pack the key is attached to the keyring. i learned that lesson the hardway, and unlocked then re-locked the door...goddammitsonofabit....i finally get it opened and tear through the everything to no avail. i start to hyperventilate and have to sit down.

this has been one sorry ass year for me as far a losing and having to replace stuff. after a couple of minutes my breathing slows and yell out at the top of lungs fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!! now before you judge me too harshly over the outburst, like i said i've had some rotten luck and combined with my own stupidity and an early signs of dementia it ain't been easy or cheap being me!

driving home in dread as i have to tell T i've lost my brand new phone. he's never as mad as he could be he's always really good natured ...i just was mad at myself for being so careless...again. i pull up to the driveway and i sit for another minute before entering the house. i am greeted by M, who is telling me in a teasing tone, mommy lost her phone, mommy lost her phone....ihuh? then it dawns on me that someone has found the phone and called and is DOING THE RIGHT THING. corny as it sounds it just renewed my faith in humanity.

we played a little phone tag but then about an hour or so later I was standing on her doorway. part of the lesson today was intent on reminding me to slow down. first a guy answered the door then he went back inside and i waited on the porch for what seemed a long time before the gal that called came to the door, we chatted a few minutes and she was still holding my phone, 2 Gu's and my lip balm ...i actually reached out before she handed it over...not my most gracious moment for sure despite a profusion of thanks you's before during and after!

then it was off to the mall. if ever there was day that i did not feel like being on my feet at the mall it was today. but i promised M and because of my covert rendezvous with Mia WITHOUT OUR CHILDREN (we[re gonna check out the race finish and find that last 6 mile section from reverse on our bikes...woohoo! but then again the title of this post is "we'll see" right? not sure how peppy i'll be)i wasn't getting out of it.

after bra shopping and manicures, M shopped and i searched for the next place to sit. i was sitting on chair in the food court, a prime seat i would soon discover. it's across from Claire's very least favorite mall store, M takes forever in there. an elderly man asked me if i was leaving. "uh, no i just sat down" he then tells me this is his seat and he sits here everyday to people watch. he wasn't rude about it. i could just tell he really liked this particular seat so i just moved to the one across from him and we chatted about kids these day's, babies having babies, what a shame it is, kids with nothing to do roaming the malls....he seemed sweet enough and it was no big deal to move...ironic ...but no big deal. deferring to elders is a my life. at 6pm i dragged M out of 21 Forever and we headed home.

i figure 20 miles followed up with a trip to the mall, i put in the required time on my feet today. pardon the poor grammar it's late and i have to get up again in like 5 hours, oh gawd.