Wednesday, September 15, 2010

meeting up with Monica this morning for a swim in a new place...Keller beach in leg s are sore in a good way, the knee felt fine during last night's trail run, only the slightest bit of pain after. swimming today will help.  Monica did the pac grove sprint on sunday so i'm  looking forward to catching up with her today. 
M seems to be liking high school and her attitude is back, a good sign that she's not depressed over the boy so much. when it comes to parenting and the big important stuff, i do quite well.  but i really fall short with the day to day snarky teenage attitude and i'm NOT feeling so momtastic lately. there's a teeny tiny chance of camping next week...i requested time off and i won't find out about the time off until the last minute....i really need some girlfriend time with no kids!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

pain management

during my run around ceasar chavez park the pain on the lateral aspect of my knee shifted towards the patella.  about a 5:10 on the pain scale, noticeable but tolerable. within a mile or so it was more a 3:10 and after the first loop around the park, the pain was barely noticeable and i felt good enough for a second loop before doubling back.  i bought new montrails...there so awesome, the trend in running shoes appears to be lighter and for trail shoes these are rugged but not nearly as bulky as my last pair.  after the second loop the pain started to ramp up to 6-7.  i made myself continue running until i got back on the paved part of the trail and i mostly walked the last mile or so home, i should of taken shorter walk periods because after walking for a while running again was too uncomfortable...weird. . i'm icing, self-massaging with tiger balm and taking ibuprofen. 

Saturday, September 11, 2010

smarter not harder

i've been in taper mode for about a month.  running here and there.  i'm not even going to comment on the lack of swimming or riding.  i'm struggling with a couple of bull shit injuries neither of which have been dibiitating just annoying and putting a damper on comfortable movement. i canceled the last swim lesson w/morgan and had her give me a massage instead after i hurt my back.  overall, my experience with her coaching was awkward.  i think i was in my head too much.

i'm burned out and giving half-assed effort all across the board. i've decided to drop the tri next month and focus on taking better care of my back and get a handle on over-eating and food choices. a family reunion and too many potlucks at work, need i say more?   training for a tri would seem consistent with the aforementioned goals but honestly i don't want to commit to the swimming.  i like swimming i just don't like having to work so hard at it. it's just not how i want to spend my time.  i like to run after work now, it's a great way to unwind and it's so convenient and i'm just going to admit i need convenience right now.





Monday, August 23, 2010

eat drink and be regular

i will make time to hydrate today
i will spin and or do yoga today
i will make time to hydrate today
i will include veggies along the way

Sunday, August 22, 2010

session #1 with Morgan Filler

as i sat on the beach waiting for Morgan to arrive i stared out onto the lake watching the mist hover just above.  the sun sparkled on the water and the morning was idyllic. despite the serene surroundings i was a bit tense.  i was nervous about not being a good enough swimmer to merit coaching.  is that not the dumbest thing ever? 
she arrived with her surf board...and i made a note to myself to ask her about SUP (stand up paddling) at a later time.  today was about the task at hand and was going to require all my concentration.  we didn't waste anytime and she led me outside the ropes..that was a first for me. she had me swim a bit first offered feedback and then the lesson began.  i mostly worked on catch, pull and rotation.
about halfway through the session i started to get dizzy and nauseous. and
let me emphasize, i'm swimming in frikin lake placid...the only sign of activity are the ripples on the waters surface generated by the ducks on shore and myself.  the same thing happened last night during my run, at the time i chalked it up to not enough time between my last meal and the run.  it got progressively worse and at one point i had to get back on shore, just as i crawled my way to the trail, to discreetly wretch my guts out... some guy and his dog show up and want to talk.  i sort've fumbled through the chit chat, took a few deep breaths and swam back out to Morgan who was sat patiently on her board waiting for me. 
we had about five minutes left and i zagged my way back to the beach.  she said she'd video tape me on next session....i was taped once before towards the end of training last year and found it to be really helpful but i only got to view it once...she'll email it to me which should prove to even more so.  i haven't had alot of experience with 1:1 coaching and what little i have had has been uncomfortable...Morgan said it well " feels weird with the all the focus on you? i agreed.
so it wasn't the best first session (no reflection on Morgan at all) she was very nice and i felt safe with her. as for the nausea and dizziness, i foolishly still tend to under hydrate. such an easy fix but just as easily overlooked.  i got quite a few tips despite the gloomy sounding post.  one thing i have going for me is i roll really well.  i need to glide on my side longer and time the switch better. 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

It's the Journey

i haven't done much speed work in the past...certainly not enough to notice a difference in my running.  today at the gym i warmed up with a 12 minute mile, stopped to stretch a little then ran 3 miles at a 10:00 minute pace and it felt EASY!  maybe there's something to speed work after all.  i swam 500 yards right after and while swimming never feels easy i can feel my endurance starting to return. 

in the past i've usually followed up whatever pace or distance i've completed ..with the words  ''far for me'', or ''fast for me.''  perhaps a 10 minute mile isn't fast by most standards but that 3 of 'em in a row felt easy well that's just fucken awesome in my book.  

i felt really good during and after todays workout.  for the first time since starting to train this year i've noticed some progress and i'm starting to enjoy the ride.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

early bird gets the worm

i got an extra early start today and swam at King pool this morning. got lucky with great parking and was able to split a lane the whole time which allowed me to go at my own pace and work on a few things without the stress of circle swimming.

i've been resting on mondays and fridays but since i blew off yesterday's run (instead i cooked and we sat down and ate together) i'll be working out 5 days in a row...which should be interesting.  i'm half tempted to blow off the Y group's ride/run brick on saturday and do my own thing.  most everyone i've met is nice and all i'm just slow and more than a bit self-conscious about it. the main reason i signed up was for the group swim practices...which are humiliating enough.

M took moi out to lunch today.  we did some back to school shopping over the weekend and her room is starting to come together. we have orientation next week and then back to school on the 1st..  i've been enjoying our time together a lot but i'm looking forward to the school year starting and her getting a good start on her new routine.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

need 4 speed

so here's my speed work plan for today

easy 1mile jog to the track, stretch when i get there.

1/2 mile x's 5 w 1/4 mile recovery in between ea. 1/2 mile

easy 1 mile jog home

not sure what my pace will be....8:30?  (in my dreams)

what really happened

i did the above workout...except i have no data to indicate my speed...apparently i still haven't figured out the garmin settings, i thought i set it up for intervals...but according to it i ran 3:52 at an 11:26 pace.

perceived rate of exertion:  like i started out too fast and got progressively slower.

i know i benefited from this workout despite the hard data to tell me exactly how.  it was really hard and while i knew i wasn't going all that fast i was pushing myself, i was definitely out of my comfort zone. my thoughts were on the negative side, "your slow, this sucks, just stop, but i kept going.

i think a big part of endurance training is exposing your limits and weaknesses.  i wish i could say that my determination improved with every interval but the conversation in my head was all: "i wanna stop, "no, you can't" "why?" because you can't", "i'm not running fast at all, this blows, i wanna stop", "quit bitchin, almost done, walk slower during recovery, but move your ass now!"

i don't think my body got tricked into thinking it could run fast, in fact i'm pretty sure i just irritated it.  

my eating and sleeping habits aren't conducive to good workouts.  i need to swim 3x's a week not 2 and i need to ride more, but this season i want to kick that 10ks ass!

yesterday's Y-club workout at coyote point was ok.  i swam 1/2 a mile in 20 minutes and rode just under 8 miles...again the garmin settings were off.  honestly, technology can be more of a distraction than anything else.
morgan emailed me late yesterday and it looks like we're  meeting up at lake anza next sunday for our first session together, she also mentioned a group swim she's holding wed pm at berkeley marina ...not sure i'll make that one.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

better choice

instead of going to the solano stroll kick-off party i went swimming after work. T and M are very involved with this every not so much...chit chatting with dozens of people and pigging-out on copious amounts of free food...just wasn't what i wanted or needed to do. 

the lanes were packed and it took a bit of lane hopping before i actually got down to the business of swimming.  once i settled into a lane i just focused on my breathing and bilateral skills.  i have no idea how far i swam but i was in the pool 40 minutes.

i'm all stuffed up now and my hair will takes hours to air dry, blow dry and flat iron....course frizzy hair that i must beat into submission every time i get it wet....another reason to not love swimming.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


the drab weather wasn't helping my already lazy mood.  instead of working out first i got a bunch of errands done and pondered what i was going to do in the way training today. i wasn't in the mood to ride or run long so i opted to ride for 40 and run for 40.  a good compromise and probably in the long run a better workout.

yesterday's run didn't happen for a variety of reasons.  despite having my running garb to change into after work, i was tired and instead of running from the path right near work i opted to drive to the park shortening the run by 2 miles....instead i was met with a big fat detour (seems like road work is going on everywhere).

i was dressed and decide to run somewhere closer to home first mistake. 
going into the house first was a bad idea.   while i've been a very good human mom if you were to ask my "other child", she'd pretty much roll me under the bus and tell you i suck.  brandy is my dog,  i'm the main caregiver and i've been slacking on her walks, so instead of running i took her for a walk/run.  she's not a good running buddy kind of dog...she's super nosey and selectively obedient on or off leash...runs with her typically go something like ..."come onnnnnnnnn, let's goooooooooo.  brandy noooo,  get back here right now!  so given my lack of agenda or motivation i walked her for 10 or so minutes tiring her out a little and then i tried an easy jog which she responded well to. 

my upper back is bothering me.  my job is quite physical.  i'm on my feet 80% of the time.  i see upwards of 13 patients a day in 30 minute increments and sometimes good body mechanics is compromised for the sake of productivity.  exercise helps for obvious reasons but massage would be really nice too.  i blew my budget on private swim lessons this month so i'll have to suck it up a bit longer.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

1st Brick in a really long time

we're meeting up today at Lake Temescal for a ride/run brick.  i've been vowing to do more of these this time around but i haven't as of yet.  i rested yesterday so hopefully the legs will do their job.

it's another cool gray morning and the ground is wet.  the last couple of mornings it's been drizzling during the drive to work then it gets hot and sunny later...i swear mother nature is going through menopause.

the first ride/run brick since last year...oh, this is going to be painful.

what really happened

secondary to drama which is typical of me whenever i'm trying to get out the door in a hurry, sometime between last night and this morning i misplaced my ATM card.  rushing around tearing through the house...which in it's current state is A WRECK in part due to the fact that the entire contents of M's room is sitting in the dining room while it gets painted.

with less than twenty minutes to get to the workout i finally gave up looking and flew out the door. i got about a mile or so down the road when i realized i forgot my yellow riding was cold, foggy and damp out and  visibility was foremost on my mind. not to mention wondering what hell happened to my ATM card.  

i turned around went home.  the ATM card is due to expire soon anyways and so i went to the bank and dealt with that bullshit drove home and informed my family that i would be doing my own brick.

i rode for 40 minutes and ran for 15.  i rode out to the berkeley marina, flat and windy.  when i pulled up to my house i used the porch as my transition area and stripped my long riding pants (i had capris underneath) and riding shoes changed into my running shoes quickly...T was off to the side cheering "go baby go"  i ran around the neighborhood and i was a little surprised that the transition didn't hurt as bad as i expected. i've been running on tired legs all week so i'm chalking it up to that.  the actual stats are on my daily mile widget.  including the transition the whole thing took a little over an hour and i'm not ashamed to admit it was probably the right brick for me today...the club workout was no doubt a lot harder. 

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Doing the best I can

feeling a little worn out.

M was helpful at the pool yesterday and kept track of laps for me.  she's been sticking close to home and at my side whenever i'm not at work or trying to train.    she's going to a friends tonight for a sleepover..her first outing since the horrible incident so i'm freed up a little more after work.  she's always been a little annoyed at the amount of time i spend "training"...which pales in comparison to real triathletes.  a part of her is a little proud of me too.  it's weird tension at times.  i can't give either 100%

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

To the douche bag that broke my daughter's heart

i want to thank you for the tactless way you let my sweet daughter down.
i want thank you for chipping away at her innocence.
i want to thank you for the harsh lesson that all is not as it appears.
i want to thank you for causing self doubt and for the head games.
i want to thank you for opening the door to deeper conversations about love and loss.
i want to thank you for the opportunity to see my child in a new light.
i want to thank you for rejecting her because despite her pain she's learning that she's quite strong.
i want to thank you for the opportunity that has presented itself to reassure and love and guide this amazing girl.


Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Trail Mojo

the legs are still a bit stiff from sunday's shenanigan's and the weather was warmer than i would've preferred especially since i forgot my hat and shades. my garmin was acting weird and didn't pick up a location until a mile into the run. 

today was hot and i felt overheated and irritable. you have some exposed areas and abit of climbing to do before your rewarded with the lush canopy and single track.  my mood immediately lifted as the shade started cooling my core down and there i was winding my way through manzanita, oaks and redwoods.  i crossed bridges and climbed 60 plus steps. i saw lots of lizards and heard an owl off in the distance. 

i didn't have a map but i had an idea of where i was going having talked to a few others who'd run here before.  i just sort've followed my instincts.  there was plenty of daylight and i could double back if necessary...but my sense of direction on the trail held true and before i knew it i was back on the main trail.

this was a fantastic run.  i didn't feel as strong or as comfortable as i would've on fresher legs but i've always preferred trails over roads for running and i think maybe i might be getting my trail mojo back.  

Sunday, August 01, 2010


Do gut-wrenching dry heaves count as core strengthening?

OK, I'm exaggerating a bit but I was on the verge of puking a few times.  I ended up at the Albany Middle School track this morning.  My mission was to sprint the straights and walk the curves 8x's.  I haven't figured out how to capture intervals on the Garmin so that's something else to throw on the need to learn pile.

I started out on the BART trail trying to re-set the Garmin, running and stopping and running then stopping occurred to me " hey, this is a little like Fartlek"..such an absurd word, seriously..... I then came upon the track and decided to do the above workout.

I practiced running on the front and mid sole versus the heel and could tell i was moving faster, a couple of time I was paced at 6:30 ...perceived rate of exertion: oh. my. god. I'm gonna hurl.  After wards,  my legs were toast and I stretched for awhile before leaving.  I dragged my sorry ass across the field and the basketball courts and hobbled across the street to start jogging home...a minute into the "run" i knew I'd be walking home.  Note to self: drive to the track next time.

Truth be told yesterday's shitty swim was my motivation for  track today.  As hard as speed work is I have a clear advantage on land.  I'd like to work closer with Coach Nancy (she was down a coach yesterday and had to stay on the beach watching us) regarding the swim, she gave me some good tips yesterday and I just need to relax more and not compare myself to others so much.

I heard about an open water swim coach through Forging Ahead.  I contacted her yesterday about private lessons and she emailed me today. So stay tuned for a more positive swim posts in the not too too distant future as I figure out our schedule.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Coyote Point

met up w/the Y Tri Club this morning for  a swim...most swam a mile in like 30 mins ...i swam half as far in approximately the same time...but i'm not bitter...just tired.

i brought my bike and explored the SF Bay Trail...very flat and scenic with strong headwinds on the return...i burned crazy calories...according to the Garmin...and my appetite when i got back...glad i packed a big lunch.  so it was great day for training...despite my miserable swim...i met some nice people and had a great ride .  unfortunately my families  return flight today didn't correlate with my training so i'll have to drive back out there in a few hours.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

It's a Balancing Act

Drama camp potlucks, bake sales for Haiti, performances, laundry and packing for an upcoming trip has this mom in full lock down.  i wanted to get a some kind ride in yesterday...but i needed to replace that adaptor thingy for the Co2 cartridges and my  sun glasses were all scratched. T still had some credit over at Mikes Bikes, so i changed to ride and threw my bike into the back of his truck and after i got my stuff i still wasn't sure where i was going to ride because M needed to be at Bentley by 1pm (it was already noon) and the performance didn't start till 2:30...i just couldn't think straight... it was T that said,  "you've 2.5 hrs to get to Lafayette, are up for it?"  Duh, i could just ride to the performance and so what if i showed up in bike shorts and smelled bad.  i am in training after all, right? T would drop M off and get some errands done in Lafayette before the show...for  all my complaining about his lack of planning my man can think on his feet!

Mike's is close to the base of Spruce, a longish gradual climb to Grizzly Peak.  from there I entered Tilden past Inspiration Point and then had a BLAST on the fast downhill to Orinda. i practiced not riding my breaks so hard  and reacquainted myself with what gear does what...i practiced going into a high gear to go even faster downhill.  i stopped for a little frozen yogurt then headed over Santa Rita....i'd forgotten how steep this part was and after the first climb i managed to clip out w/o breaking my neck and hoofed it to the top. the rest was downhill to Bentley. I arrived at 2pm.

M went out with friends later that night and T and i discovered a yummy indian buffet..7.99 per person.  the chicken tikka was off the hook, spicey potatoes and bell peppers and naan, deeelish!
the ben and jerry banana split we shared later kinda kick the frozen yogurts ass.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I'm All In

It's official...i just registered for the Marin County Triathlon 2010.

The Y Tri Club starts next week, our first training will be swimming at Coyote Point.  I used to go there with my family as a kid for picnics...that was ages ago...the scent eucalyptus trees permeated the park.

My ankles are a bit stiff but other than that no real complaints. T and M are leaving for NYC on Tuesday so trying to spend quality time with them this weekend will take priority but i have time to run now... 

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Pushing Myself

running fast is hard .

a 10k after 25 miles on the bike is harder. 

doing hard stuff is good. 

that's what i keep telling myself anyway.

3 miles at 10:07 pace....not quite puke worthy but freaking hard nonetheless. 

hard to imagine maintaining that pace for 6 miles post swim/ride.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Summer Days

for the first time ever my family and Monica's family got together at McNears Beach. Monica and I swam , our daughters -who met at the that 5k we 4 did last year and our husbands,  both artists talked all things art related. 

it was kinda crazy how it all came about... i'll spare you all the texting and what not back and forth over the past 24 hrs....but in our lack of planning a good time was had by all.

McNear's Beach is the swim site for the Marin county tri.....and naturally i wanted to check it out well in advance.   the beach was rocky and the water while flat had a pretty good current going and because my swim sucks ass it felt like what i would imagine an endless pool workout would be like...we'd be swimming and then start cracking up because we took forever to nowhere.

the other funny thing was it seemed no matter how far offshore we swam we could touch the squishy mud floor, sink up to our knees and the water was still about chest level.   from the shore you could see the drop off point and it was really far off...and since we could swim we just stayed (literally)where we were swimming for about 45 mins.  my arms got worked!

after a snack on the beach Monica had to get back home and the family and me headed over to Stinson to sun bathe on a real beach with ocean breezes and tattooed boys who complained loudly at the lack of hot bitches on the beach.   T cracked up when i peered over my sunglasses and said "ooh what a catch"

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Feels like TRI-SPIRIT

so it's official as of yesterday i received the email confirming that  triclub with the Y is on. Coach Nancy has the teams sight set on the santa cruz tri in mid september....i checked out last years results in my age group and the slowest swimmer was under 40 mins.....compared to my glacial 50:50 swim at pac grove that would definitely have me being trampled by the following age groupers. honestly, i'd being lying if i said i didn't care about being last but swimming isn't my strong suit, i'm good enough to participate and that  is good enough. i swim for recovery and cross training not for technical expertise or speed.  the swim leg of the race is really a warm-up for the other business of the day.this season i'm focusing on ride/run bricks, my theory is these will make the run fun again not like last years death march!

i have a couple of weeks to decide but i think instead of Santa Cruz i want to do Marin County Tri's more expensive but it's close so i won't have travel and deal with a hotel and it's on cool is that?  i've been slow to warm-up to racing but i'm starting to get the tri-spirit. 

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Lake Anza

Monica and I pulled into the Lake Anza parking lot at exactly the same time.  we chatted on the beach for as long as it took me to shove myself into my wetsuit.  i went in first zig zagging my way to the furthest end .  when i left the house earlier it was pretty overcast and windy but by the time i reached the park  (which well above sea level) it was all sunny and clear lifting my mood a smidge

for all my complaining Monica is a good swim partner.  she's mellow and doesn't take any of it too seriously  which was exactly what i needed today.  i swam for maybe 25 minutes.  i started to feel guilty for not going longer and for Monica coming from Pinole  ( i paid for her swim fee it was the least i could do ) but we'll do it again and the goal was to get past my swim funk which i did.  it's really pretty up there and there weren't too many people at noon, though our spot was a bit more crowded when we got back on land  then when we entered the water.  i had a bit of a headache so i didn't feel guilty for too long about not swimming longer. we had a good visit on the beach before going our separate ways.

Monday, July 05, 2010

workout partner wanted

my main objective with triathlon has always been to find like minded and ideally like fitness level folks to ride and swim with.  i'm NOT big on chatting during a run (mainly because of lack strength and coordination to give either my all simultaneously) not that there's anything wrong with socializing, i just feel for me a workout should be mostly workout with a little socializing thrown in not the other way around. 

during TNT training last year i met a woman in my general vicinity location wise.  she was a total newbie in every sense of the word and i kinda took her under my wing .  sometimes i'd workout a bit earlier on my own to be sure i got whatever my goal was that day and then we'd meet up for whatever we had planned .  turns out swimming is our best activity because while we're there for moral support i don't feel like i have to talk or walk or double back as often like i would need to if we ran or rode together.

we haven't seen each other in a few months, but keeping contact via FB.  i called her today and just spent several minutes trying to nail her down to a swim.  she told me about a beach she wants to check out...i say "cool, let's plan on swimming" to which she replies "i want to just check it out, i don't know how deep it is...blah blah blah"  so, since we've had successful swims at Lake Anza, i suggest we meet there instead  because while i'm interested in visiting, my time is limited and i'm more interested in working out.  it takes us so long to reconcile our schedules and when we finally can hook up i've been annoyed when it turns into more of a get together versus a workout. 

after hanging up i feel a bit off about things because i had to push her a bit to commit....something i have to do on a regular basis with the patients i work with.  the last thing i need is to feel like a facilitator/cheerleader on my free time.  i'm far from hardcore.  i'm seriously slow and i've been dropped plenty of times from group rides but i workout and try to be present .  walk breaks are fine, but when it turns into a 1/4 mile yack fest it's stops being a workout for me.

i know she's not the right workout partner for me but for now she's all i got.  hopefully i'll connect with some folks in triclub at the end of the month. i'm still on the fence about actually racing but i love the cross-training aspects of triathlon and maybe i'll find a kindred sole or two that i wont have to "work" to workout with!

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Life is a Beach

after yesterday mornings craptastic hike...M was just waking when i got home and was less enthusiastic about too. the day was so nice it seemed a shame to stay inside  so instead we packed a few snacks and the pooch and we headed to Kehoe Beach, a dog friendly beach near Tomales State Park.
M and i have are best bonding time on long drives, she's so funny and growing up so fast. 

We parked on the side of the rode and hiked abut a 1/4 mile to the beach.  along the way Brandy spotted a snake, which surprisingly spooked the hell out of M....i didn't get a good look at it but it had a cool bright yellow stripe down it's back.

The surf was pretty intense with undertows and SHARKS known to prowl around. it's an on-leash park but we saw allot of dogs off....Brandy however remained on leash because she has selective obedience. plus the fact that she has this thing about attacking the water, crashing waves are especially appealing..she can't swim but she'll bark and bite at the water, which has in the past resulted in other unpleasant behavior i won't go into..but here's a hint, remember that beach scene in "Marley and Me"...yeah, like that.    so as we approached the beach i let M set up  while Brandy proceeded to drag me down the coastline.  the surf was really moving and we both got drenched.

it was a gorgeous day to be on the beach yesterday. the sun around 3pm wasn't too intense and spray of the ocean  felt good on our skin.we saw some really cute dogs too.  Tip: if your in a funk go to a dog friendly place your mood will soften every time. i meant to take pictures with my phone but forgot it in the car but no matter it wasn't about picture taking but being in the moment with my two favorite girls.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Suck it up Buttercup

my mind is flip flopping at the moment.  catching up on a few blogs, the morning went from wanting to grab the kiddo and the car keys and hightail it to the mountains or maybe the beach...needless to say M was NOT INTERESTED AT ALL....she's all hunkered down under her covers...mommmm go away!

then i considered grabbing the dog and going for a hike at Redwood, or maybe Strawberry....haven't thrown that one out entirely....then i thought about swimming and the lake anza statement i made the other day...i'm hoping a friend will be free to go with me as of yet i haven't heard back...fine by me cause it will allow me to put it off longer...not that i have any trouble doing that anyways...

then i started picking up around the house and T woke up and i complained to him for awhile about woes of being an assistant....oops, i digress....where was i!  ah yes swimming,  maybe i'd  go to the Y instead but M wants to go to Yoga later and do i want to go to the Y twice.  M seems to want to go more often and so i've attempted to be more available when she does which means setting my personal agenda/goals aside and supporting her budding interest in working out...that sounded better in my it just looks like another lame excuse, the Y is 2 miles away and parking is FREE!

so back to the hike with the dog....there was a time i OWNED the east bay trails...i was never fast but boy i could go long....right now i'm struggling with the FACT that i'm nowhere close to my previous fitness level...and i've been avoiding the trails because ....i don't even's stupid.

OK, i need to stop belly aching get my ass up and running or hiking or swimming or something.

i ended up taking Brandy to Strawberry.

Brandy is a bit of handful and needs to be on-leash for most of the time.   I let her off for while once i tired her out on the big hill that connects the lower and upper sections.  she was panting and frothing like crazy but wouldn't drink when i offered.  we hiked to the bench that over looks the university and still she wouldn't drink...weird for all the huffing and puffing.

the hike was bittersweet.  instead of appreciating the beauty all around all i could think of was how NOT ready i am to run up here.  i avoided eye contact with any runner i came upon and i because it was hot and i wasn't running i wore my sandals  with vibram soles and ended up with hot spots on both toe-balls.

getting back into the swing of things ain't going to be easy.

definitely worth it but definitely not easy.

Friday, July 02, 2010

well today got all kinds of better

all week i thought i was working on monday but then i found out at the end of the day that the therapy dept. was light staffed.  woohoo!  not sure how i misunderstood, when my boss asked if i could take the memorial day holiday i could've sworn it was so i could work the monday after the 4th of July. 

after KFOGs Kaboom show the berkeley marina fireworks kinda pales...but yay i get to stay up late for them and there's a good chance alcohol will be involved.

i tried to go for a wee run before picking M up from BART.....i parked nearby the lot and started to run when suddenly i needed to use the bathroom...damn.  i hightailed it back to the car , on the way i realized that i haven't walked Brandy in a few days and there's a dog park close to BART, so i wee'd grabbed the leash which instantly got Brandy's attention we got to the park and she chased the ball a few times before we had to go get M....lots of false starts here you notice?

so now were off to the Y as M is wanting to workout there...i'd still rather run outside but at this rate i'm not sure what's going to happen.

so i found a TM near a window so it sort've felt outdoors and covered 3 miles in a little over 31 mins.  M and i stretched and i checked in at the front desk and so far 13 people are signed up for triclub that's set to start in a couple of weeks ...2 more needed to close the deal.  

That's right, I said it.

i hate swimming. just like i hate math. i know with persistence both have improved . but i will never be great at either because when i take a close hard look at what it will take i'm less than committed. i'm no stranger to hard work but 47 do i really need the aggravation.  i've got work for that.  it just stresses me out and makes life hard on anyone within a 10 foot radius.


i'm really just annoyed by the recent pool experience....i suck in the water and i just need a lane to myself to work things out without the aggravation of obnoxious swimmers.  maybe i'll drag myself to anza this weekend...

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Lafayete Resevoir

M's camp is in Lafayette. After dropping her off i headed over to the reservoir for a run.  it has been ages since i ran there pre-Garmin times .  i always suspected it was around 3 miles. i was close 2.78 to be exact. for all my complaining about slow running after work my pace wasn't all that much faster at 11:09. now granted this run turned out to be a bit more rolly than i remembered and it was warm and windy.  i haven't been doing much in the way of hills yet so it was a perfect run in that respect. i lean towards the cheapo end of things and usually scope out somewhere else to park to avoid an entrance fee.  alas there wasn't any convenient free parking so i forked over my last 6 bucks.  to tell the truth it was worth it, the park is very clean and there are comfort stations all along the trail.  too bad i was only good for one loop.
i walked a little bit after wards and stretched near my car before leaving.  i stayed up way too late reading blogs and sorting through old files last night which ironically was both inspiring and tiring.  12:30 am is way too late for me to be up but apparently i've got a thing for running when i'm tired.

Athleta Chi is a new favorite of mine.  i decided to go for a swim after reading a couple articles there.  given the sunny weather it was no surprise that there were no less than 3 people in all six lanes at one point or another.  in the last lane there were 2 folks who were really slow...and wobbling all over the place the second lane had 2 folks, the guy was definitely not slow.  i tried to make eye contact with him as i did with the female before entering the lane but he didn't look up...i guess he complained to the life guard because she got my attention and asked that i let all the people know before entering because he didn't want to crash into me.  i just smiled and nodded but thought to myself maybe he had some responsibility to be a little more observant of his surroundings instead of never looking up.  whatever.  i got out after 15 or so minutes and sat on the deck a minute when another man asked me if i was done i said " yes, go for it..but let everyone know before you go in"  when he got the guys attention and let him know he wanted to circle swim, the guy rather sarcastically said, "that's what i've been doing!"  so much for pool etiquette.  i can't stand assholes like him and it seems every pool has one.

Monday, June 28, 2010

On second thought

I tried a new name for my blog for a little while but i started to miss the old title.  guess i'm getting sentimental in my old age....i turned 47 this past sunday.

so the after work running is starting to take hold.  i'm getting off the fence, negotiating less and just getting it done.  can't say i'm loving it quite yet and an 11:30 pace ain't nothing to write home about but hey i'm out there getting shit done.  one slow ass mile at a time.

saturday M agreed to go to yoga with me and despite being a bit bored at times said she'd like to make it a regular thing...go figure.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Here I go again....

so it appears my tri-days aren't a thing of the past.  saturday as i was leaving the gym i noticed another flyer for an olympic distance training group.  i messed up my dates and missed the cut-ff by 5 people for the current tri-club .  not caring to fundraise again this year i've dodged the frequent emails and requests to mentor with TNT. missing out  on tri-club really sucked, in fact every time i went to spin an instructor would start yacking about shout-outs to participants in the class.... it just irked me that i screwed up my dates the way i did. 

anyhoo, coach Nancy is leading an olympic distance group starting at the end of July and my name is Numero Uno on the list. buyah!

we spent Father's Day at Stinson Beach...none of us thought to bring a camera! I did however pack a mean picnic basket...yogi would've been proud.

my run after work didn't suck...the Garmin on the other hand flubbed up and failed to sync the right date with the appropriate data....WTF!  It's like turning in your homework and not getting it graded. 

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Here's a few pictures from last week, more to come.

Thursday, June 03, 2010


so i'vebeen off work for close to a week, finaly getting around to a bazillion little projects around the house. i decided to move my sewing studio into the dining room. i wasn't entirely satisfied with the space i'd been
renting, it was never quite big enough and once a project started to grow i'd have to schlep it home anyways. T and a friend helped me move out of the studio on Sunday and between sprucing up the garden i've been busily reorganizing fabric and notions. i took down the bamboo shade on the east side and watched the sunlight fill the formerly dark space. it completely changed the whole look and feel. i've been working on a couple of baby quilts and am itching to start a bigger project now that i have the space.

i'm determined to keep active despite my sedentary hobby. on my 3rd cup of coffee while surfing a quilting website a pop up ad caught my eye...something about keeping active and osteoporosis. just the nudge i needed to get out the door. it was a good 20 minutes before i settled into a rhythm...the hot muggy weather didn't help. on tuesday i felt really good and decided last minute to go a longer route. to be honest i bit off more than i could chew and mentally bonked after about 45 minutes, my pace dropped steadily and then i got off the familiar route and ended up in a gross industrial part of town...sheesh!

so, with all the upheaval going on around here my camera is currently MIA. when it turns up i'll post a few pictures of my staycation adventure!

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Tonight were headed to Candlestick park for KFOG's listener appreciation party...the KABOOM SHOW. Melissa Ethridge is the headliner but I'm really jazzed about the John Butler Trio.

Saturday, May 08, 2010

What's a mother to do?

Totally off appears that in my absence my lame ass blog has been abducted by naughty asian girls who like to post naughty pictures of themselves...whatever.

M is is growing up fast. At the ripe old age of 14 she's rapidly forming strong opinions and views on a wide variety of subjects....none the least of which includes her utter disdain for her given middle name.

truth be told i half get why she feels the way she does.

instead of a name name, i opted to pass along my last name for a couple of reasons.
1. M's dad and i were not married at the time of her birth and while we were an "intact" couple and she has her dad's last name at the time i felt compelled as her unwed mother to include my name on her 1st legal documents. secondly, despite my puerto rican heritage my parents didn't speak spanish. i'm 3rd generation american and for the most part felt disconnected from my cultural roots...until i became a mother. my decision to insert my last name in there was some sort of cultural gesture, a way to remind her of her "puertorican-ness".

as is typical around here M and i can be hanging out, laughing whatever and in an instant things can get intense. M is becoming a young woman and as i mentioned has strong opinions, often misguided and ill-put at times.

last night was one of those nights. somehow the discussion veered off course and before i knew it we were full on feuding over her desire to change her middle name.

i get why she feels this way. with the exception of my mom and occasional face book comments M doesn't really know my side of the family. not for lack of effort i will add. suffice it to say, we're just not close. it's dysfunctional and from an early age i knew to keep my distance. i participate in occasional functions, but still keep my distance.

a year ago my half-sister from my dad's side reached out to me and we had a few visits and calls that ended rather abrubtly when M confided in her that her feelings were hurt because she hadn't accepted her multiple requests to be friends on face book. that bitch texted her a really harsh response that was completely inappropriate for a 13 year old girl. we have never spoke since. that said, among other reasons, because she and M share the same name, M wants to drop it.

i know she's only 14 and while she feels strongly now, there's a good chance she'll have a difference of opinion as an actual adult. i wanted to drop the subject, in fact stated when it was starting to escalate "uhm, why don't we have this argument when your 18? we've got plenty of material to tie us over till then" still, she wouldn't let up and things got ugly.

i guess while a part of me understands her point of view i guess what bothers me the most, is it feels like she's rejecting me. it wasn't just my cunt half-sisters name or our dead beat dads name. it was my name. thinking about it, my mother tended to give her kids family names too. my middle name was after my dad's crazy sister...seriously. physically she was beyond beautiful but a total head case. same for my other half-sister she was named after my mom's eldest sister, perhaps one of the most sadistic people i've ever met. still, i like my name and i don't relate it to a crazy relative. it's MY name.

when the time comes i will support M's decision. no doubt we will continue to be at odds on the topic but as her mother i need to pass on more than a name. ironically, with mothers day coming up i'm not feeling so mom-tastic.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

week one

monday i ran after work, uhg!

that somewhat "easy" 30 minute jackie warner workout i did on tuesday had me walking around like i had a stick up my butt for 2 days.

i was complaining about how sore my quads were still to monica on wed when we met up for a run. when we get together we tend to talk and walk alot more than run, and since we hadn't seen each other since before christmas and because i was still so sore it was a veritable gab fest.
there's a big hill i've always been curious about but never took the time to explore along side of the paved trail we were on and at my suggestion we checked it out. once to the top we followed the single track back down to the main trail and continued a short ways to the 1 mile mark. the hill warmed me up and the legs felt better than when i started so we started a slow jog. we turned around at the 1.5 mi mark and i ran the rest of the way back.

thursday i passed on happy hour with work friends and went home and did wii fit for 30 mins. mostly yoga and a couple of strengthening ex's.

by friday i was wondering why i hadn't incorporated a rest day...uhhh because you need to do SOMETHING in the way of physical activity every day duh! so as i'm loathe to do i waited till after dinner and went with T and took the dog for a 30 plus min walk.

so far the 30 day challenge has been doable and i can already feel habit starting to take hold.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


as is typical for me, following a big endurance event i go into hiding for a while. i dunno. once the event is completed i tend to shift my focus on all the crap that went neglected while i trained . i have a really hard time balancing it all.

that said, 10 plus pounds creeped back on since october!

we've been working on the kitchen, remember that remodel we started about 3 years ago? anyhoo, i have spent every free minute over the last month prepping and painting my kitchen cabinets. T and i celebrated our 10 year anniversary and decided to spend money on sprucing up the cabinets. we swapped out old hardware for new and added crown molding. it looks amazing but as is want to do i'm itching to address the lighting and would love a new sliding glass door with a doggy door built-in versus the panel that's in place now.

it was a big job, all the sanding and kneeling to get to the lowest cabinets...yes i was extrememely thorough and with the exception of a few deeper sections everything was primed and double coated. my arms and knees got a workout for sure but it's not the same as really working out.

painting with all the wet weather wasn't the best move but i know i'll be too busy in the spring and summer with training to deal with it so i have no regrets, sure it took longer but now i have a pretty kitchen that has inspired us all to cook at home more.

so, i'm on day 5 of my 30 day challenge which is about re-establishing the habit of exercise. the point is to do something for a minimum of 30 mins daily. it usually works out to be more than that. back in '05 when i returned to running for the umpteenth time that's all i did. in '06 i discovered triathlon and that seemed to address the lack of cross training. then after my marathon in '07 things got really inconsistent all the way through to this past summer when i finally committed to training again for the pac grove tri in '09.

excercise for the sake of exercise has never held much interest to me. training for events did, but this cycle of going from balls to the wall to virtually nothing isn't working. i have my secrete heart on a couple of big events this year but what i really want to accomplish is the habit of working out over the long term not just for a specific event.

i'm no stranger to injury, i've let my ego get in the way when trying to reclaim former levels of fitness. still, i've been fortunate and only have laziness to blame for the current lack of excercise. so, for now i'm mainly concerned with consistency and not hurting myself. and while nothing will ever replace my love for a good long run i'm realizing more and more the need to strength train. rw has some great videos as does fit tv so there's no excuse when i don't get to the gym....not to mention the wii that hasn't been used in a months. tri club starts back up in march at the Y where i spin 1-2 x's a wk and the bart trail is close and paved which is a plus on these wet rainy days.

lastnight working out to the core video felt well kinda lame..and at times a little too easy but that's when i recalled a sage bit of advice my tnt coach gave and it's was essentially a reminder that in the beginning of an excercise program it should feel like you could do more....but if your patient and give your body time to adjust and don't do too much too soon it will pay off in the long run.

i'm in it for the long run.