Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Tired and Missing in Action

I don't think I'm losing momentum but I'm tired. Yesterday, I arrived home to a power outtage. I sat on the couch and I must've nodded off for a bit. I then realized that there was meat in the fridge so I fired up the bbq and got busy. T and M arrived shortly after and we ate. M and I read Junie B. Jones outloud for awhile and then I went to bed, it was probably around 8 pm. I woke up around 2 am and noticed the light in the hallway was on. I got up checked my e-mail/blog and went back to bed.
Sometime between dinner and going to bed I got a call from the triclub coordinator wondering where I've been. I've missed the last 4 group workouts excepting the 1st tuesday night strokes mechanics class, the 2nd was cancelled and I skipped lastnights. I've been content doing my own thing (fortunately I am disciplined to get out there on my own) and to be completely honest have preferred it this way. I guess I'm just not a team player, in fact when I think about it most of my leisure pursuits are solitairy. I thought training with a group would be fun and sometimes it was but sometimes not so much.
I think that when it came to swimming my insecurities really took the lead along with my impatience with the process. I was frustrated and not too much fun to be around. To tell you the truth, I think I was doing them folks a favor by staying away. That first open water swim really shook me up and I knew I needed to turn it around fast or else I'd probably never go back.
It's just the way I tackle things. I tend to withdraw, seek out one or two trusted allies and then I work it out. I did what I had to do and perhaps in the process alienated myself from the group.
So why do I feel guilty? Guilty for not putting it all out there? Guilty for not being willing to struggle in public? Guilty for avoiding some challenging workouts, namely two open water swims one in the bay and another at nasty Lake Anza?
The group meets on weds nights (and sat mornings) and since (A) I HATE working out in the evenings and (B) I have weds days off, it was a no brainer that I'd opt to skip it in favor of an earlier workout.
So, on the phone with the coordinator I said basically to her what I'm writing here also mentioning that at times I found it hard training with a group and not letting what was suppose to be a training session turn into a competition. Now to me this makes perfect sense but I don't think she got it. I suppose I came across as a bit odd and standoffish (which is not me at all!) I'm actually quite friendly and adequately outgoing. However between several schedule conflicts and not really clicking with anyone in this group, the group trainings haven't been much of a priority for me. No big deal.
Today I worked so I can have friday off, as we're going out of town for Memorial Day weekend. ( the first time EVER!!) I did go for a decent ride at luchtime, I discovered that the Iron Horse trail goes from Concord to Pacheco and back through to Pleasant Hill, a descent 40 minute ride with some mild headwinds.
So wrapping things up with the coordinator, I assured her all was well and that I'd be present for next weeks meetings, wed will be a meeting on race mangement and on sat 6/3 will be the triclub practice triathlon at Lake Anza (groan) which I hear is actually tougher than the tri4fun event. She said she'd call again if I didn't show and that if I made it to (through?) the practice tri she'd feel okay if I couldn't get to the grp. mtgs preceeding the tri4fun event on 6/17. I'm sure she just needs some evidence that I'm not gonna die or something out there on race day.
Overall, I'm quite pleased with my training. I'm a bit tired and looking forward to some down time soon. I've worked extremely hard on my swimming and I LOVE swimming in pools!! I'm very fortunate to work and live near some nice ones too! I feel good about the progress I've made. The practice tri coming up will be my first group swim since Shadow Cliff. I know it will go better even if I'm still last, I know I'm a better swimmer now.


susie said...

It took me a long time to stop competing with everyone else around me and just start competing with myself. Hang in there Chris. It's all a journey.

LouBob said...

You should do what YOU like to do. Personally I run by myself and like the time to think and not HAVE to talk to people and I think I have an outgoing personality too. Sheesh I have to type 9 letters in the word verification. I wonder how many tries it'll take tonight.