Saturday, April 14, 2007

let the mind games begin

i've been feeling somewhat disconnected from my running lately. since deciding to run a marathon in october i've been base building in preparation for the actual marathon schedule to begin in may. 5 weeks into it running has started to feel more like a job than a passion........and it has me a little worried.

since uping my weekly mileage i've begun to notice a sense of dread preceding my near daily runs. perhaps going from 3-4 to 6 days a week was a bit much. i've been careful to stick with the plan....averaging 25 miles a week...this week started off strong but by thursday i was just too tired and i've taken the last 2 days off. it's gray and cool outside now and i'm torn between going for a run or tackling M's room to get ready to paint. no reason i can't do both i suppose. 4 is on the schedule but i should double it and go shorter tomorrow as i have a party to attend at noon.

i'm not the most sociable runner. i prefer to be alone with my thoughts, running my own pace. this has worked well for me up to now. lately i've been feeling kinda... i don't know...isolated. like i don't really know what i'm doing. i don't see myself training in a group. but i can appreciate the benefits of not going at it alone.

so i think what's going on here ...doubt is rearing it's ugly's subtly picking at me. instead of ignoring like i've tried to i think i need to look it in the eye and acknowledge it. yes, i have my doubts. yes, i have concerns . yes, i wonder if i can put in the training. yes, i wonder if i can go the distance.

i've been afraid to admit any of this. but i think i'm okay with it. the thing i've feared most about my decision to go long this year was switching from a free spirited trail runner to a more focused disciplined runner. i've been happy with my gradual progress over this past 2 years. but in the back of my mind i wonder will going long turn my joy of running into a chore?

i'm still sorting all these feelings out. i haven't run in 2 i'm probably feeling more insecure than usual. this is also a reminder that the mental aspects of training are just has important as putting in the miles. attitude is everything.

time to go adjust mine now!


Anne said...

Just an idea but maybe you can find a group training specifically for your marathon, or one around the same time. The running does get a little more serious with a marathon, and that can take some of the fun out of it. Not running is no longer an option, spontaneous runs are non-existent and every pain becomes cause for an injury.

Running with a group allows you to stay energized, learned new courses and talk or not.

christine said...

you know Anne...i was thinking the same thing....i'm just not sure how to go about it. i might post an ad at the gym and a few running shops in my area. i'll try contacting the race director as well.