ebb and flow

a lighter caseload at work has made pre-work not-running-in-the-dark runs doable again. i ran 4 miles in 41 mins yesterday. these 4 mile runs are not to be downplayed. they remind me of the runner i am. they keep me in the here and now. they are an oasis in an otherwise hectic and trying time.

my father-in-law was admitted to our facility ...again...and it's evident that things are taking a turn for the worse. decisions need to be made, answers are slow to come. my sister-in-law is in hawaii and for the first few day's we tried to avoid calling her, but then the hospital did...she's so desereves this time-off, having devoted every weekend for the past year with either mom or dad...it just sucks her trip being spoiled, she's not coming home early but the trip has suffered, hard to relax when the wheels are falling off at home. she had 3 good day's before shit hit the fan. she's coming home monday and we're just hoping for the best, whatever that may be. speaking with her on the phone yesterday from work, i once again found myself torn between the professional me and the family me. trying to maintain an objective front it was all i could do to hold back the tears. he's 87, has lived a good life. still the appropriateness of it all doesn't make any of the decision making easier.

as the holidays approach, i'm feeling less festive this year. i have stood my ground regarding thanksgiving and M and i will spend the day with my aunt and her daughters in hayward. truth is i can only handle a few hours with this relative and i've not been returning calls all year so i need to make-up so to speak. i haven't seen her since grandma tillies funeral in march, so it's time.

i need to secure a spot for berkeley city college orientation and assessment, i called twice and left a message yesterday but haven't heard back yet. i'm off today and will follow-up. it's kinda like registering for a race, i need to have a date and a goal....so i can crack open that pre-algebra book and start training or rather studying. LOL

for the past week my boss has been doing our annual reviews....everyone even the per diem staff have been seen and after a week rolled by i still hadn't been. i finally asked on monday and my boss said "come in" with a serious look on her face, i immediately stiffened up and braced myself for the worse. if you had seen the look on her face and had to watch all week while 9 other staff members were reviewed and then had to finally ASK when you were going to be seen...that might all add up to some uneasiness.

as it turns out, my bosses boss wouldn't approve the 4% raise my boss requested for me, so she went over his head and that person hadn't gotten back to her yet....hence, she was holding out for word from above before seeing me. she wasn't suppose to review me until then, but wanting reassure me things were good she did and for all intent and purposes i've demonstrated growth and competency in all sectors...proof that you don't necessarily have to like all that you do to be good at it. now we just had to wait until the BIG BOSS got in touch. luckily, that happened yesterday and i got my raise.

parent-teacher conferences didn't go so well. M's excessive absences and lost homework really dinged her grade wise. we're not too worried though, this has been a rough transition for her. she's getting real life lessons in personal responsibility and time management. the less than stellar marks are more a reflection of her struggles with that than her knowledge or understanding of the material. i've seen her work she's a solid student, math is shaky but were getting help.

seems a good stratedgy is in order. everything i know about running seems to apply. i just need to pace myself, keep my eye on the prize and my nose to the grindstone. any sudden changes need to be met with a deeper breath, a slower stride, a walk break or two. it doesn't really matter how fast i get there, relentless forward motion is the key for me.