Sunday, March 05, 2006

Flaws and Imperfections

Sure, I have my share of them. On the physical front, I try de-emphasize the negative and accentuate the positive. However, appearances are easier to shape than character. On the inside, I'm full of doubt and fear about my limits, my age, my ability to stick with it when it gets too hard.

While I'm willing to work hard, I'm not so commited to working REAL HARD for the LONG HALL. My drive comes and goes in spurts. This race coming up has certainly motivated me to up the ante and to base build. But as soon as I introduced NEW HARD THINGS ie speed work and strength training, my commitment waivered seriously. If I'm not having fun, I tend to bail. This certainly will affect my ability to take my running to the next level, whatever that may be.

Yeah, I play my "edges" now and again, but I don't hang outside my comfort zone for too long and well I'll just admit it here and now, I have a wicked ass temper and a low frustration tolerance threshold.
Not exactly the stuff TRUE champions are made of.

"But, your a 42 y.o mid-packer w/no guts for cripes sake, what are you trying to prove, who do you think you are anyways?"
whispers that annoying little imp buzzing in my ear.

At this moment, I'm trying to muster up the courage to get my tail out the door in whipping wind and go long.......if I don't get swept up into oblivion, I'll return with a post run/windsurfing report.

Not the best place for my head to be one week before the race.

I headed over to Strawberry and after a few minutes adjusting the camelbak and then shedding of layers, I did my usual out and back. Seems like I'm moving slower these days. Except on the downhill, I really charged 'em today. NO FEAR and neatly trimmed toenails are the way to go. The wind wasn't so bad and it was a little warmer than I expected it to be. Best of all no rain! I slept well lastnight but didn't carbo-load like I usually do before a long run.

My kitchen is in limbo, with half of the counter top in place and until just an hour ago no water. Needless to say I'm not cooking much these days and had to settle for turkey potpie lastnight.

On the way back, a runner passed me on the right and scared the crap out of me. That's always happening. The getting passed isn't so bad it's when they sneak up on me that is annoying, as I startle easily. Isn't it proper etiquette to make your presence known when passing? A clearing of the throat, shuffling of the feet, something!!

Afterwards, I headed over to the downtown Y. I set up a one month membership to see if logistically, this gym will work for me. The hours are good and now that I've established an exercise routine, it shouldn't be too difficult to trek the 2 miles from home to there. We'll see.
I headed upstairs to the womens stretching area and went hog wild with all the space and cleanliness I could possibly ask for.

I'm not sure what the hell kind of point I was trying to make earlier, I think though that I do have a tendency to avoid challenging myself too much. A fear of fatigue if you will, like I'm afraid of finishing badly, I want to feel good when I run. I never want to feel like I did after that first 5K, it was AWFUL. But I learned alot as result, so WTF is the deal. I think I need some guidance when it comes to taking on new running challenges, my half-assed approach is not working. Is this when folks start to consider a coach? I read alot and learn stuff from the internet but I think a more hands-on approach is called for.

I AM looking forward to my race though, I hope the weather cooperates. I'm not too worried about running in the rain, but mud waffles will suck! I wonder if they make something like yak trax for muddy trails?


LouBob said...

You're sounding like what I felt like before my long run today. "What I'm I doing this for"! I felt better after it was over, smug, in fact and I'll probably do that same thing a week the answers to these questions we're having,let me know will you? As far as the jerk running up behind you maybe you should get a t-shirt that reads" goose me and you die"!

susie said...

I was writing about this very thing tonight in my journal. I tend to be a quitter, and although I try to focus on how proud I am of my continuing to run, I am plagued with self doubt. I don't want to let it happen to me. Again.

christine said...

L and S,
We're a funny breed, us runner's. I've noticed many times that more than one of us is going through the same or similar feelings, be it a funk or a nagging doubt. Maybe it's just part of the program. Highs and Lows, right?
I "heart" you guys for letting me whine and still feel accepted :)

jeff said...

haha loubob! i love the 'goose me' idea. christine, it's typically the 'on your left' that you're supposed to call out. but, unfortunately there are lots of folks out there that either don't know the etiquite, or are just a-holes. spit on 'em next time. that's what i do. (did i just say that?!?)

and since loubob and susie let you off the hook, i'll give you some motivation.



christine said...

see RBF is the perfect blend of "it's okay, i know how you feel now get movin!! i don't know what's gonna happen on saturday but i'm prepared for just about anything....rain, mud waffles zombies........

Dawn - Pink Chick said...

The alternative to yaktrax when running in mud is an old pair of shoes and Oh yeah, a change of clothes comes in handy if you don't remain upright.

christine said...

hey i hadn't thought of spare clothes dawn.thanks for the tip!
i'm sure i'll need 'em!!! lol

jeff said...