Steps

it's been a week since the race and with the exception of scooting across the street before the stale yellow light turned red i haven't run a single step.

other than cut and color my hair, paint my nails and shop i haven't really done much in the way self-care (exercise).

seems life is no less busy now that i no longer have a training schedule looming over head. there's always a million other things vying for time and attention.

i will NOT be hosting thanksgiving this year. getting this house in shape for M's party next week has only served to strengthen my resolve on that one, though my weakness for guilt induced gatherings is trying to have the last word.

i've been thinking about going back to school. i called berkeley city college the other day and spoke with the assistant clerk at PACE (it's basically a curriculum set up for working adults who wish to obtain a liberal arts degree) and she sent me their assessment schedule and i think with allot of hard work i could get around having to take algebra over and register for classes in the spring.

i'm not exactly sure but i'd like to major in english. i think i have some potential and it seems to be where my interest lies. i have few classes on my trascript that may transfer over but the bulk of my general ed. was on a career college level and aren't transferable..

i've been thinking about this for a long time.

career college was an easier choice, i had years of experience as an rehab aide and it seemed like the natural progression. it was only 18 months and i had a good paying job immediately upon graduation and a pay boost when i passed the state boards. that was nearly 8 years ago and while i'm good at my job i'm not happy.

i long to do something truly meaningful. i long for a more in depth understanding of the world and my place in it. i feel unfinished. maybe i'm being too idealistic, thinking that a college degree is going to miraculously transform me. maybe i'm going through a midlife crisis, ya think?

all i know is that life is too short. i have bills, a mortgage, a family that relies on my benefits. i know on some level that this is a ridiculous proposition. the timing is horrible. lifestyle changes and midterms won't be easy that's a given, but the marathon was a good lesson in "hard" and i think i could do it.
and it has been my experience that once i get that thought in my head i usually follow through.

i guess that phone call was a different kind of step. a baby step, but one in the right direction.