well the good news is i didn't drown.
on the drive home from shadow cliff this morning i went through a gamut of feelings about my performance. i'm not proud to admit this but i am not the most positive person all the time.
all i could think was "oh my god, what the fuck was i thinking?"
on the verge of tears, i went over a few dozen reasons why i'm not ready for this event.
i arrived at shadow cliff later than i wanted to, i forgot my bag w/my wallet in it at the campsite
lastnight (M and and her troop are camping at tilden) so, i had to book up there before heading out to meet the triclub in pleasonton. i arrived just as nancy was giving final instructions and before i knew it we were in the water.....let me add....the cold ass water. i would of preferred to of acclimated a bit, i even brought my kickboard to warm-up, but nancy wanted us all to start together and insisted that we forgoe any floatation devices...cuz were not going to be a able to use them in the event.
this is when i got nervous, on the one hand jumping in right away was a good way to get through the initial shock but it was cold and my breathing was all over the place, i was able to freestyle for barely a minute before i was gasping for air, the rest of the "swim" was a combination of dog paddle and backstroke.
at some point nancy said "get your face in the water it will help with calming your breathing." quite honestly, i wanted her to shut the fuck up, and all i could think was along with the absence of air where the hell was the strength in my arms, they felt so weak. the cold affected me in ways i never thought of. the idea of an elongated freestyle stroke seemed impossible and my pull was totally gone.
i also think i don't respond well to being pushed too hard, at least not by people i haven't connected with in a positive way yet. nancy( one of the triclub coaches) is a bit of a bulldog and she never remembers my name, before she offered the earlier face in the water = better breathing tip, she asked me the usual "what's your name again?"
it's just my insecure bullshit creeping in. i know this about myself. i just need to build myself back up somehow. i've got a little over a month to work things out in the water, i definitely need to go back to shadow cliff as many times as possible before 6/17.
and oh yes, i was dead last.
4 comments:
Dude. The open water, it's just so different. Do your thing. Truthfully, some of the pool routines (like kickboards) might be useless in the open water. Still, it might make you feel better to have at least started with them and then abandoned them on your own. If you want to go back, I'll go with you. Hold your stuff. "Let" you beat me. ha!
And *certainly* it won't stay that cold! It's pretty overcast today (after being nearly hot yesterday... the hell???)
I already told you about how I did the tri for fun there many years ago with no training basically at all. It scared the shit out of me when I got into the water and everyone was kicking me and I couldn't get my head up to breath... but I lived. Sure, I cherry-picked and backstroked my way to the end, but I lived. Your coach probably knew the same ~ even if it sucks, you'll live. Maybe she just wanted to take the surprise out of the event day?
At any rate, and at the risk of starting a blog in your comments, it's totally natural to get knocked off center and then get back, better than before. Let's go back together and you can get your bearings. Everybody's different!
Mia said it all! Next time will be much better( as if I'd know, what's open water when you live on the prairie, the bath tub)
mia,
i can't tell you how much that would mean to me! going back to shadow cliff on my own terms w/o too much structure will help alot. i know the importance of going back there. i probably oughta swim outdoors around here more too. definitely let's hook up!
I am going to slay this dragon, and so are you. "Do not turn back when you are just at the goal." (Publius)
Thanks for visiting my blog.
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