Will the real me please stand up?

the weather was perfect for a lunch time run...the schedule said 4 but i needed to workout some frustration and the weather really made it easy to crank out close to 8 miles.....i took an extra long lunch...one of the perks at my job is that i'm not stuck in a 9 to 5 schedule...i have a caseload and it's basically up to me how i manage it.

since changing management the facility where i work has been undergoing several changes some good others not so good. a unique feature in our facility is we have an independent living apartment....or rather we used to.

at one time there were 2 "apartments" where a resident on the final leg of their rehab could demonstrate that they could manage their self-care with less physical assistance....while still in a supported environment. instead of the nurse coming in and providing meds, the pt. would be instructed on what they were taking and given a schedule and would be responsible for seeking the nurse when it was time to medicate, another plus was they had their own bathroom allowing them to leave their belongings in there and not worry about carrying stuff while they managed their walker or wheel chair (w/c), also pts. would complete a daily task list and discuss with therapy any issues they had during the day or night.

the whole idea is to promote greater independence and in some cases illustrate that a person maybe wasn't going to manage well on their own. the program for the most part was well recieved and pts and family members felt more confident in their ability to return home safely.

whew that was long...if your still with me...the program has now been shoved to the wayside essentially to accommodate more beds. one of the apartments is now a private pay room and the other has 2 beds in it making it difficult to maneuver around in especially if the pt. is in a w/c.

the layout of a nursing home has ease and convenience of staff in mind Not that of the patients. have you ever visited someone in a nursing home? notice the inaccessibility issues. bed controls, light switches, faucets and toilets there all usually out of reach. the independent living apartment program has been my baby for the past three years....the facility loved using the concept as a marketing tool and i beleive it was successful program. however since changing hands and needing to have more beds the whole program has been compromised.

i'm the first to admit i'm not particulary low key or pc. if ever i'm in the hot seat it's usually the result of bumping heads with a case manager when i think a pt. warrants more therapy. i'm a patient advocate bottom line. for beter or for worst. the thing is i'm getting tired. tired of fighting no win battles. tired of trying to function in a system that's never going to embrace change. i tell ya, i'm just tired.

i've been feeling like that alot...hence the long run at lunch. the truth is i'm
in need of a change but i don't know what. i don't have a four year degree and my program was so specialized that it doesn't open alot of other doors academically...i'd be starting over and a grade schooler and a mortgage don't exactly scream..."oh yes, quit your shitty job and go back to school!"

i'm just so tired. i think i've come to the age where i've missed my chance. to be anything better or maore than a assistant. the harsh reality is "oh well, this is the way it is, so suck it up." lots of days i do, lots of days in the midst of medicare and hmo dictated services i find something meaningful in my work. i just want my efforts to matter, i hate going through the motions and losing this program that i've worked so hard on has really taken the wind out of my sails. i know i'll be alright in a day or two. adjustments will be made. components of the programm can still be implemented but right now i'm in mourning and i feel more than a little invalidated.

Rest Day

this morning my joints were sore and there was a weird pain on the top of my right foot. M had a hard day with STAR testing and was in NO MOOD for dance class and was all kinds of agreeable when i suggested we go for dip. the middle school where she'll be going in the fall has a nice pool just a mile or so away from our house. i purchased a swim pass for each of us. i can swim laps while she goofs off at the shallow end. every so often i'd join her for a bit then i'd slip back into the slow lane for a few laps. we did that for close to an hour.

i have no idea how many laps i did i do know that i still suck at bilateral breathing and look like a dork everytime i try to breath on the left side...left arm flails like i'm flagging down a taxi...i found myself ...for a brief moment getting irritated and then i reminded myself "uh, your not training your doing a recovery swim chill" ...and the rest of the swim was quite nice.

sundays 10 miler was flat and boring. i needed to get it over with so i could help T paint. 1:56:26 the room is painted....it's very bright ...still i like how it's coming along.

oops!

reviewing my mileage this week i made a um, slight, uh error in the figures...i ran 25 miles NOT 35 miles...switching long runs from sunday to saturday is what bumped up the milage last week...that and the fact that i need glasses...and misread the garmin...blah blah blah...anyhoo...can't take credit where it isn't do.


still i'm getting shit done!


on the home front....any do it yourselfer knows a room redo is most likely going to end up in multiple trips to the paint store ...the pink tangerine combo i envisioned looks more like melted sherbert....too "babyish" as M put it. so my poor husband will have to fix it...luckily he's an artist (ooh did i just say that?, i'm often annoyed by his hyper sense of aesthetics!)and can make the melted gooey colors come alive and vibrant.....M is losing faith in my vision.......

that's right, MY vision....it started with the quilt i'm making her which she likes...it's just we're a bit IMPATIENT around here with the PROCESS.......

....and things got rather heated (inside this time) over color and how they look different on the wall compared to the fan deck.....blah blah blah....

anyway i'm going for a slow FLAT 10 miler now my legs need a break from hills!

Rough Week

it's been pretty hot around the bay area lately and well truth be told between this and getting my runs in later rather than earlier has been harsh. still i pulled off 35 miles this week and aside from grumpy buttocks and achey legs my head is still on straight and i am pleased as punch with my progress.

i stopped by title nine yesterday for some moldable inserts for my montrails and was a little shocked when my request to post a running partner ad on the community bullentine board was denied....it apppears they don't have an official forum for this. so, not taking no for an answer i inquired further as to how this store plans to be more community oriented...they being the only women's running store in the area.

aside from being a pricey running gear shop it seems like they could really make an impact by sponsoring local events and focusing on running moms and their kids....kind've a shame really. i left my info with the store manager and she said they had a spring running group last year and plan to do it again later in the summer.

today is all about emptying M's room and prepping it to paint. look out for before and after pictures .

Miday Run

thanks to an exceptionally exasperating patient...i had plenty of motivation to run at lunchtime....a HOT 3-4 miler...i must've left the garmin on after yesterday's run because when i went to turn it on 0 hrs. battery was left...oh well i had taken the time earlier to map out a 4 mile route using my car odometer...2 miles each way ...after only a couple of blocks i knew that it was going to be dreadful so i took a shortcut through the high school. i'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt that i ran at the very least 3.5 miles in around 40 minutes...as i mentioned it was HOT and when i was done i beelined for the patio off of the gym and stretched awhile on the cool cement.

everyone at work thinks i'm nuts for running in the heat. i had a water bottle and i was SLOOOOOOOW. taking a shortcut was smart and it kept me from being over exposed....i'm not used to running in the heat at all....but with a marathon smack dab in the middle of Indian Summer i need to get used to it.

one of my co-workers is like a mom to us all she always brings us stuff to eat. we're a pretty close bunch sharing food and eating together often but after last summer when i swam at lunchtime they came to accept my skipping lunch with them to workout. for lunch i ate a bowel of cherrios and that same co-worker set aside a banana for me....how sweet is that huh?

Strawberry Canyon

i couldn't figure out why i was so tired this morning...i slept in until almost 7am....then i remembered i took a Benedryl lastnight. a few cups of coffee later Brandy and I headed out to Strawberry Canyon for a hill workout.

Taking Brandy always changes the focus a bit. Between keeping her properly hydrated and on the main trail always slows me down (not to mention Big Bertha and her minions!) she's one happy pooch i tell ya. especially once we get to the good mud holes.

i've been going back and forth with which marathon program to follow....Free being the operative word here i think i'm in shape enough to go intermediate with the
Cool Running on-line plan. i may need to tweek the schedule here and there but i think i'm headed in the right direction.

Up and Running...but at a price

in my haste to get to the computer shop yesterday before it was closed it appeared that i ripped out one of the plugs.....the mouse ..... in addition to being charged to have the disc removed i paid an additional $10.00 for another mouse..only to discover that when i got home my mouse was intact. i still don't know where that broken plug came from?? he asked me how much i thought he should charge...he said $30.00 i countered $25.00.....still, the unecessary purchase of another mouse cancelled any "deal" i made.

oh well, now i can start posting pictures again.